Wildmen KS

War of the Worlds

2010-03-03T20:32:00.000-06:00

The theif comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

I was looking forward to tonight. I would be finalizing the plans for the Wild at Heard Bible study I was going to start with a group of men. One man offered his house so we had privacy, confidentiality, no distractions. The perfect environment for this particular study. Tonight I was going to hand out the books and study guides so the men would be prepared for session one next week.

I arrived early at a local coffee bar we've been hanging at in between studies. The man who offered his home was already there. He proceeded to explain the terrible week he's had and that (sparing you the details) there has been a major family disruption that has resulted in not only his home not being an option for us to meet but his own ability to participate in the study was in jeapardy.

There was a time in my life before "Wild at Heart" when that would have sent my mind working over time with worry. "The whole thing is going to fail... That figures... That's my story" the voice would say inside me.

But being keenly aware of the Larger Story and the Enemy's continual ploy to keep us from living the life God has for us; as quickly as the words were coming out of his mouth, I was smiling inside. I see the Enemy's game plan. And so I shared with my friend how I am not surprised at all by what has happened. Satan does not want to see this message reach men. "The story of your life is the long, sustained assault by the one who knows what you can become and fears you." Satan does not want this study to take place and as my friend shared how much he was looking forward to it, I knew that the Enemy especially didn't want him going through the study. I mean it's so obvious!

Well, I should say it's so obvious to those who believe in the Spiritual Warfare we live in. I grew up in the Church. And I am very familiar with the second half of the verse I started this blog with. I don't recall ever being taught the first part....the thief, Satan, the Enemy is very real and active and plans to destroy life as we know it, destroy us. 1 Peter 5:8 tell us the Devil prowls around looking for someone to devour. Luke 10:19 - Jesus himself says he's given us authority to overcome all the power of the enemy. I mean, how many of you were taught this in your church? This isn't Old Testament stuff here, guys. This is New Covenant - from the mouth of Jesus truth. But the church in general doesn't seem to preach that message. It's no wonder so many well-meaning Christians are sleeping while the Enemy steals away their life.

The message of the Bible is about a love story set in the midst of a war. A war for our hearts and yet so many are taken out with complacency, busyness and they think 'that's just life'. No. Sadly, no. Jesus did not come so that we could have life, and have it to mediocrity.He wants to give us life TO THE FULL. If you are living life on a hamster wheel then you must ask yourself, "What Gospel am I living from? Is this really all God promised life to be?" "What's really going on here?"

Behold The Lamb of God

2009-12-05T22:35:00.000-06:00

So it's kind of late but i felt like posting a note before heading to bed. We just got home from the Behold The Lamb of God concert at our church. It's the Andrew Peterson and 'friends' tour. They're all singer-songwriters from Nashville who are either solo artists or members of bands like Sixpence and Caedman's Call and 2008 Dove Award winner Brandon Heath. Anyway, i really didn't know what to expect other than i assumed a night of Christmas songs. Boy, was i pleasantly wrong!

The first half was each member taking turns singing their own songs and getting to know their story. the second half was the actual Behold the Lamb of God album tour. and man was it fantastic. all but one or two songs were Andrew Peterson originals. you wouldn't immediately think - 'hey, this is a Christmas song.' Truthfully you could listen to this year around. what i found so profound about the songs were that they presented the Gospel; the story of Jesus' birth in a fresh way. you weren't distracted by singing the same ol' Jingle Bells, or even Oh, Holy Night where by now you don't even think about the words. These were in-your-face, this is the real deal kind of songs.
Both Tracy and i were moved by Jill Phillips singing Labor of Love. man, was THAT a powerful song about the night our Savior was born.

and where did these guys get all those istruments? some i've vaguely heard of, some i've never heard of or seen! Mandolins, lap steels, dobro, accordian, banjo, hammered dulcimer, B3... and others. there were at least 10 different guitars up there. I'm not sure what else to say. i was pleasantly surprised. the music was powerful, different, and gave me a refreshing picture of 'the reason for the season'. in fact, even saying that catch phrase does the music a disservice. before tonight i had only heard of one guy (Heath) - who's songs are currenlty being played on the Air-1 Christian station. But i walked out of there with 3 other CDs - wishing i could have bought everyone's music. i have become a new fan of Andrew Peterson, Jill Phillips, hubby Andy Gullahorn,Ben Shive, Brandon Heath, and Andrew Osenga. These are FANTASTIC songwriters and singers.

Seeing them up there brought back up some old feelings - dreams i had of one day being on the stage as a Christian artist. a dream i had long since put to bed out of fear (of failure). i'm not quitting my day job tomorrow - but it was nice to 'remember' that i did once have dreams and need to keep dreaming. life has a way of sucking dreams, aspirations, and visions out of you. it's a sad tragedy.

So, i am HIGHLY, HIGHLY, HIGHLY recommending "Behold The Lamd of God" - but get the 10th anniversay 2-CD set. yes the songs are great on their own merit, but disc two is a live version that takes it to the next level. if funny actually, all my life i've avoided 'live' albums cause i hated the clapping and cheering. but i can't recall the last concert i've been to when i've thought the studio-recorded CD was better than what i witnessed live. Check out Behold the Lamb... you won't be dissappointed!

Let it snow...

2009-11-14T18:16:00.000-06:00

(*the photo above is used without permission - but hopefully okay with - my friend Steve in Colorado. Thank you Steve, keep the photos coming. it does my heart good.)

Okay, I realize it's been more than a month since my last post - just before the fall Wildmen KS boot camp. the quick explination (other than having an overflowing plate), is that i want to break away from 'schedules' where i can. I could submit an informative, educational 'lesson' blog every week for you, but that was never my intent. i wanted it to be much more personal than that - more authentic - more, 'me'. and to try and fit that desire into a structured box of 'weekly blogs' takes away the element of hearing from God and what HE wants me to write about. So, blogs will be posted in the Father's timing and not mine... i hope. That may be more than one in a week, or it may be a month or more.

And with that, and the reason i was just now prompted to write, was after viewing some photos a friend of mine from Colorado takes. And my heart just comes alive every time i see them. ever since the first time i went skiing on a youth group trip there is something about being in the snow-covered moutains that makes my heart leap. I remember as a Junior in high school i was deep into a 'poetry phase' in life. and i wrote a poem (that's long since been lost) about being a mountain slope and the sensory overload i felt. i can't tell you how the poem read, but that i was incapable of putting into words how being out there made me feel. For me, being on a mountain while it's snowing, especially, has got to be the closest i feel to the presence of God. Just writing these words brings a lump in my throat; emotions welling.

so of course i go to colorado whenever i can. fortunately for me, my favorite writer and the inspiration behind Wildmen KS, lives in Colorado and puts on camps there each year! I hope to be there again this next March, on the work crew of a boot camp.

But the "Colorado Effect" for me is a deep sense of wonder. is my yearning for Colorado driven by my own desire, or is the Father speaking to my heart? I want to move to Colorado, really badly. Is that of my heart, or God's? This is just one of those questions i've been wrestling with for the last couple years. i hope for snow here at home... lots of snow. it's like a surrogate for the real thing out west. the winter of '07, even the ice storm that knocked out our power for 5 days was a welcome experience for me. that winter we got more snow than i can recall having here in Kansas (in my lifetime). and it was beautiful. it was breath-taking. it was God speaking directly to my heart. i hope He has much to say this winter too.

Get Fired Up 2 weeks to Boot Camp

2009-10-04T12:11:00.000-05:00

by Bob A Clifton

Can’t believe it is only two weeks out until the Wild at Heart Boot Camp. This is such an exciting time for me, and I bet for those of you who are coming it is a great time also. For those of you who have not been before, you might be experiencing some warfare right now that is a direct response to your attendance at this conference. For those of you who have been here before, maybe just excited about tucking away for a couple days. Shawn and I went to Colorado almost two years ago to experience our first boot camp. It was like changing.

I really want use my last blog before boot camp to share my experience with the Wild at Heart material. I ran into this material at a men’s bible study in Lawrence Kansas many years ago. I read the book and was hooked. Not hooked, at the time, on all of his ideas and concepts, but definitely on a few. The most influential chapter is the father wound. Chapter four makes clear that each one of us will take some kind of wounding from our father. I knew this was the case for me growing up, but didn’t understand that it was a big deal to take a closer look at this and do something about it. This book came at the same time as my daughter entered into the world. The very things I did not want to be doing with her were spilling out of my mouth with little control. By releasing some of those wounds in the past and asking for God to come in and heal up those tough places.

From the foundation of understanding that we are a product of our past I was able to move back into manhood. See, manhood seemed something of a mystery to me. I knew that we are supposed to get married, have kids, pay a mortgage, and die. What I didn’t understand that with the relationship that I would have in Christ it would bring warfare into my home. Spiritual warfare is the product of the relationship we have with Jesus Christ. When we became sons of the living God Satan could no longer steal our heart away from Him. What Satan can do is destroy our lives and our witness if we spend our time in and of the world instead of following our Father.

When I figured this out so many of my trials began to make good sense. I had drawn the conclusion that bad things were happening to me because I did not know how to do things right. I must not be reading my bible enough, or praying enough. I thought I must have done something wrong and so now I am experiencing God’s punishment for all the bad I did in my life. What Eldredge did a great job of explaining is that we are in a battle whether we like it or not. We can either choose to take our position in that battle or we can pretend that it is not happening around us. As soon as I got a grasp of this and started stepping into the battles that were designed for me, the guilt and shame of a failed life made more sense.

This is a brief glimpse of some great things that have come out of this material. For those of you that are joining us in two weekends, I am praying for you. I am praying that God would show up in your life and speak in some divine ways. I am also praying that you would be able to soak in the material you are supposed to and go home to execute what it is God shared with you this week. I am anticipating with excitement getting to know each one of you at a deeper level and be an encouragement to what I hope will be a life changing experience.

Get Fired Up!

Fighting Resignation

2009-09-28T11:59:00.000-05:00

by Shawn Martin

there is much i could blog about today - having come off a particularly great weekend; a great evening out with co-workers, our high school football team remaining undefeated, my son winning his first game of the season, having dinner with some men from my small group, or that more men continue to sign up for the boot camp. This morning in court, something caught my attention and reminded me i hadn't yet posted the blog for today. i'm sensing that i should then write about that. i wish that it was something as positive as the weekends events. sadly, it's not.

case after case that i watch come through court is a clear picture of fathers' continued absence and passivity in the lives of their families. Continually abdicating their true selves. the 'anti-vision' of a familiar ministry: they've embraced passivity, denied responsibility, lead cowardly, and believe there's no greater reward.

this morning the parents were found to be actively using illegal substances and in eminent risk of losing custody of their children, immediately. the Judge, visibly angry, demanded a response from either parent as to why they deserved to have their children. the mother spoke. she sobbed. she pleaded for another chance to prove herself. the father? not a word. he simply stood there, trying to avoid eye contact.

being a man myself, i can identify with his plight. being called on the carpet. made aware of his failure. his inadequacy made public. being asked to present immediate evidence as to why he's worthy. to show he has what it takes (yikes! that feeling hits close to home doesn't it?). he chooses not to fight. refuses to defend his integrity or even to throw himself on the mercy of the court. he did something much worse... nothing.

he denied responsibility and embraced passivity. there was no fight in his eyes, only shame. i wonder if he feels there is anything worth fighting for. i see it in the men all around me, and in humble admission, within myself. the Father is in need of warriors.

men, there's little more than 2 weeks before the fall Boot Camp. it is very exciting. even as i'm writing this Bob called to say there may be some other men committing to attend. the numbers are slowly rising. i am excited for the encounter (i pray) men are about to have with the Father. the new found freedom they'll leave with. it won't get easier. in many ways the battle becomes harder. eyes will be opened to see life for what it really is. but it'll be through eyes of greater clarity, purpose, freedom, and fire.

Registration closes in THREE days men. it is our desire to see every man walking in this message. cultivating a relationship with the Father. finding their true selves from Him and living out of that truth, strength and courage. Battle. Adventure. Beauty. Eldredge reminds us, the story of our life is the long, sustained assault on our heart by the one who know what we can become... and FEARS us.

Please be in prayer for the Team over the next three weeks. that God would give us the words to speak, the wisdom to follow His leading, and that mens' hearts will be prepared and open to receive the life He longs for us to have.

Pay Attention to Prompting

2009-09-20T11:42:00.000-05:00

by Bob A Clifton

I am not one to pay much attention to end times. Even starting out this blog like that brings embarrassment. This is something God tells us to keep an eye on all the time. I remember my wife really digging into the subject a couple years ago when the Left Behind series came out. I enjoyed listening to her give me the summed up version of what was going on as the latest book would come out and the story would unfold farther. I am thinking of different friends over the years that have spent time in Revelations wanting to understand some of the end time mysteries. Honestly I always am pretty skeptical of people who look to closely into this stuff.

Well in the last ten days, not by my prompting, have ended up in four conversations about the end times. A couple people asking some questions, an associate of mine sending me a video, and then a breakfast where a close friend had a heavy burden about some things he sees unfolding in the world right now. Then I crack my bible today to prepare for an upcoming bible study and am led to Hebrew 10:25.

Let us not give up on meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another-and all the more as you see the Day approaching

Catch that last part? Incredible I thought. One thing I have learned in the last couple years of my walk with Christ is to pay attention to what is going on around me. Not like slipping off of a curb, but understanding how he is trying to get my attention. This issue that has come up with the end times has been a good example of other things that he has brought up and wanted me to pay more attention to. I love this interaction from him. Times like this are the easiest for me to see him loving on me. He knows I am pretty thick in the head so when he wants to get a point across or bring up something for me to look into, he hits hard!

Do you have ways in place for discerning when God has something he wants to speak to you? Always remember that God is always communicating with us. If we have a heart for the Father and are open to his leading, we will often understand what he wants to tell us. His relationship with us is very similar to that of a loving father, here on this planet. Some things you can expect from Christ include:

1. His delight. Do you know what it is to experience someone delighting in you? My boss stopped in yesterday to tell me how much she enjoys me and my enthusiasm. Now you need to know my boss is repelled at the idea of being touchy feely, so this was a big step. Recently, and only very recent have I started experiencing God’s delight in me. I sat out on my porch last night and watched a thunderstorm roll through. I just found myself saying thanks, God knows how much I love the elements like snow, rain, sleet, and anything intense.

2. Correction. Our Father is interested enough in you to set loving limits. When we choose not to live within his system and go toward sin we can expect him to correct us. It may not come in the form we grew up with, but it will come.

3. Direction. Do you see that God is leading you in a certain way right now? Who and what is he using to bring direction to your life. Just today a close friend of mine was told that her contract would end on July 15. Obviously on the surface that seems like a pretty sad deal, but what I like is the way God uses those moments to make clear his direction.

4. Relationships. Just as I experienced the revelation God wanted to reveal to me, he will often do that through our close relationships. The bible is makes so clear that our church participation is critical for us to be encourage and be encouraged by the relationships he has put in our life.

5. His Word. Enough said! You have to be in his Word to be clear about his prompting.

There are so many other ways, but pay attention this week to how he is prompting you.

Have her back by 10:00

2009-09-13T20:31:00.000-05:00

By Shawn Martin

A great weekend is coming to a close. My church's yearly mens retreat was friday evening to Saturday noon. It's always a great time. This year we had a team event called a 'mantathlon' and the team i was on, the Chest Hairs, took first! The massive steaks we have on the Friday night are amazing.

After the camp out i went home to get ready for my son's football game and i was somewhat anxious. Not about the game but who i was meeting at the game. It was my daughter's new boyfriend. man, do i not wanna deal with this. I would love for all my kids to be focused only on acedemics all through school (including college) before they tread the murky and painful waters of romantic relationships. And she's already had her share of heartache. Unfortunately i was right about each of them from the start. Teenage boys haven't changed in the 20 years since i was one and i knew all the games and angles. So i don't think she could bring any guy home that i wasn't convinced just wanted to get in her pants.

But back to the story. She told me a week ago her boyfriend wanted to meet me so i decided to make it a family afair. invite them both to her brother's football game then home for pizza. i ended up having to hold one of the first down markers during the game, but i half time i went and shook his hand. He had a good grip. that was a plus. back at home we kept it light and humorous. i have to admit, i also wanted him to apporve of us; think we were cool.

After some small talk they left. it wasn't more than a couple minutes later that my daughter 'texted' me, "Do you like him?" It was so important for me not to 'over protect' her like i had done the previous boys i knew were after one thing. emotional protecting turned into lecturing about how dad knows how it's going to play out.

in his book, She Calls Me Daddy, Robert Wolgemuth speaks to interviewing dates/potential suitors. i have non-residential joint custody of my daughter so i didn't have the opportunity to have the physical influence i wanted with her 'dating', but had, i'd do it like Wolgemuth. All boys were interviewed by him. He gives a fantastic story of one such interview in the book; quite humorous too. But joking aside, "This is an intimate thing between you and her. She's trusting you by 'letting' you talk to her boyfriends. Don't abuse that priviledge. Remember this interview is not about your approval of your daughters choice in boys. Every boy passes your inspection, regardless. (Gulp.) The very fact that the interview is going to take place will have a sorting affect by itself."

Back up! EVERY boy passes? That's a hard pill to swallow. But i knew the way i 'told you so' to previous boyfriends had little positive effect. So i sized the new boyfriend up in my mind, but spoke none of it to her. he actually seemed like a 'good kid' anyway. and though i knew, as a 17-year-old boy, he will have sex on his mind... i had 'the talk' with my daughter and periodically the subject comes up. there's nothing knew i can tell her. she knows what's right and where i stand. i have to trust that she will make the right choices. hopefully she will, but if she doesn't...i'll still love her and support her. that's what it's about anyway. pouring into her life and giving her no doubt of her personal worth and beauty. The more you do that, the less you have to worry about boys. she'll respect herself too much to settle for less.

Courage

2009-09-06T11:05:00.000-05:00

by Bob A Clifton

Courage

In a recent opportunity at Ft. Riley I had the opportunity to listen to Dr. Charles Smith. Dr. Smith is a professor, author, and speaker for Kansas State Research Extension. His most recent book is titled “Raising Courageous Kids”. After 9/11 Dr. Smith started asking the question of what gives people courage to do heroic things. Dr. Smith read countless stories of people rising up and being heroes in the midst of a tragic scene. Dr. Smith wandered why some people went down the stairs to save their own life for 9/11 and why other people went up the stairs to try to save another life. From that questioned spawned the idea of this book. How do we raise and create a courageous kids?

The root word of courage, originating from a French word, is divided into two parts. The first being “cour”, which means heart. The second part is “age”, meaning action; heart action being the total meaning of courage. I thought this was brilliant. Something Dr. Smith brought up was that all heroism involves acts of courage. As I thought about this two word meaning, I began wandering what it would mean to have one or another. I often have action that does not involve heart. I can even say, sadly, some of my movement toward other people have involved action without the heart. I can also say that I have had heart about many things, but had no action to back that heart up.

Something he said that really grabbed my attention is what I will focus on today. Dr. Smith said “all courage has overcoming fear as an element.” This really struck me, not only to teach children but more for our daily walk with Christ. 1 Peter 4:1 says”

Therefore, since Christ has suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin.

I got to thinking on my way home that it takes courage to live this Christian life. I mean really live this life. A recent initiative at my job has led me into a relationship with a young lady that is absolutely opposed to the Christian faith. I have thoroughly enjoyed our discussions, debates, and disagreements. She is a fire ball of world optimism, global issue awareness, feminine rights, and opposition of religion, especially Jesus Christ. Honestly it has been a long time since I have been in relationship with someone that has this strong of a belief pattern. Since being at home my opportunities to interact with people who oppose Christianity has lessened. This has been such an eye opener to the task at hand in bringing the gospel to the world.

I typically don’t think of myself as a very courageous person. I leave that title for martyr’s, our incredible military, and children who do miraculous feats. But what does God think? Is he proud when I show “heart action” at work? I could easily pass on the struggle of what that conversation is going to bring. Knowing that in this day and age it will be easy for her to find people that side with her and give affirmation to her belief system. Does it take courage to go home and be present as a dad after a long day at work? What about talking to the teenager at church that is isolated and struggling to fit in.

I wander where God needs you to have “heart action”. I am thinking of a place in your life where God is going to have to come through in order for you to be successful. A battle that is not small, but a battle that is beyond your own strength and comfort to come through. Could be a relationship at work, or it could simply be engaging your wife that has been upset with you for weeks. So many places are built for men to have courage, and unlike any other time in history so desperately needed. What would it mean for you to have courage today?

Getting broken to avoid self-centeredness

2009-08-30T20:35:00.000-05:00

by Shawn Martin

"True strength does not come out of bravado. Until we are broken, our life will be self-centered, self-reliant; our strength will be our own. So long as you think you are really something in and of yourself, what will you need God for? I don’t trust a man who hasn’t suffered; I don’t let a man get close to me who hasn’t faced his wound. Think of the posers you know—are they the kind of man you would call at 2:00 A.M., when life is collapsing around you? Not me. I don’t want clichés; I want deep, soulful truth, and that only comes when a man has walked the road I’ve been talking about. As Frederick Buechner says,

To do for yourself the best that you have it in you to do—to grit your teeth and clench your fists in order to survive the world at its harshest and worst—is, by that very act, to be unable to let something be done for you and in you that is more wonderful still. The trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality is that the same steel that secures your life against being destroyed secures your life also against being opened up and transformed. (The Sacred Journey)

Only when we enter our wound will we discover our true glory. As Robert Bly says, “Where a man’s wound is, that is where his genius will be.” There are two reasons for this. First, the wound was given in the place of your true strength, as an effort to take you out. Until you go there you are still posing, offering something more shallow and insubstantial. And therefore, second, it is out of your brokenness that you discover what you have to offer the community. The false self is never wholly false. Those gifts we’ve been using are often quite true about us, but we’ve used them to hide behind. We thought that the power of our life was in the golden bat, but the power is in us. When we begin to offer not merely our gifts but our true selves, that is when we become powerful." (Wild at Heart , 137–38)

And why do we hide? Fear, aboviously - on many fronts. of not having control. not having the answers. of not measuring up. of not being as talented as the next guy. of our own limitations. fear of not having what it takes. where have we heard that before? In his book, Desire, John says a man's deepest desires always relate to his strength, one way or another... no matter how much a man achieves it is never enough, everyone expects you to do it again and again. that's why a man's worst fear is not measuring up. i can identify with all of those fears, even moreso with the 'what if' fears. if IFs and BUTs were candy and nuts, we'd all have a Merry Christmas, right? i will 'what if' myself out of so many decisions. instead of trusting what God is able to do, i worry about what MIGHT happen. are some of you like that? it's sad really, that fear often replaces faith. faith knows no fear. faith is trust and trusting God with the outcome.

right now i have some simmering fear over the upcoming Boot Camp. It was a huge success last September. then we had to turn around and cancel the February camp due to too few registrations. now as were are 6 weeks out from the October camp the Enemy wants to use that fear again. you won't get enough guys. you'll need to cancel again. you'll look foolish. what kind of ministry if this anyway? you might as well quit. some of you may know a similar scenario. but God is good, i know that. this message is good, i believe in it. men need this message, i've seen it. so i resist the Devil and his lies. and i trust God with the results. i don't give into fear.

Search for the Glory

2009-08-23T10:25:00.000-05:00

by Bob A Clifton

Raising children is interesting. For those of you that have children and jobs and wives, you know the complexity you experience in managing all of those and still finding sometime for yourself. As you have heard me talk about, transitioning to work has been a difficult process. Even when you change one good thing for another good thing, you still have a grieving process for giving up the good you had. Got all that good? As I sit here today I have a card pinned in front of me from my daughter. For church during Fathers Day the kids got to write cards to their fathers. My daughter simply wrote “We love you. You are the best. When you are at work I miss you.” Fantastic! Did you notice as she wrote those words the only thing she thinks about, at this point as a seven year old, is all of dad’s good qualities?

This reminds me of how our Father see’s us. He is always checking out our best qualities. Growing up, my life did not resemble someone always searching out my best qualities. Sparing you the details of the brokenness, my mother came from a home that was full of verbal abuse. When you grow up in an environment that is full of bad words, it is real hard to think of and express the good you see in other people. So for much of my childhood I have memories of my mom pointing out what was wrong with me. I still see some of this today. It is not that many people would view this as bad, but it is easy to see when you were a part of that for years.

Early on in my parenting I took note of the same expression that came from past generations. The expression of what was wrong with my daughter instead of what was right. I was fortunate enough to catch up with that early on and have been able to repent and correct that place in my heart. Just last week a wife told me that it feels so fake complimenting someone when all they have done is everyday stuff. When we get down to the details, if someone has not poured compliments into our life, we are going to have a hard time pouring life into someone else.

Dr. Larry Crabb’s latest book called Connecting brings this point home. Dr. Crabb brings attention to what we see in people. He says that western Christianity is so focused on finding the sin, exposing it, and then bringing accountability around it that it sometimes will miss the glory of someone. Crabb says “why do we so infrequently delight in one another? Its people who don’t know us well that often finds the most to appreciate in us.” I think we see people on television or someone across the street that seems to have the car, house, wife, and smile and we think what went wrong. How did people delight in you when you were younger? Is it easy for you delight in other people and express that to them?

Being delighted in is the main emotional task for a 0 to 3 year old. One of the ways that we develop is by being delighted in as infants. When we have a lot of eye to eye contact with our parents and see many smiles it makes us feel like our world is safe. When we do not have much face time with mom and dad or if our time is full of mad and sad faces we feel like our world is unsafe. Amazing that the age when we usually bear children is the same time we are working harder than ever and finding our place in the work market. With the increase in two parent incomes it can become a difficult task to delight in your children as much as you would like too.

Can I make a suggestion this week? Instead of finding the sin in people, just look for their glory. When you find their glory, let it be known what you see. This, I believe, was Jesus biggest strength in building community and relationships with others. He called out people’s glory and created ways for people to shine. Some of the best days of my life are surrounded with praise and affirmation from people I care about. I am reminded anymore when people compliment me of the work that Christ has done and is doing in my life. Find something to delight in this week!

We hold the key

2009-08-16T20:41:00.000-05:00

I look forward to my church's 'Baptism Sunday'. We have two or three a year and it's quite a big deal. When each person rises out of the water the whole congregation jumps to their feet and cheers like we were watching the Chiefs actually win a game. It's a time for tears as you listen to each testimony.

The youngest one this morning looked barely old enough to read and his written testimony was only a few sentence long. It was short and to the point. Oh, the innocence and wonder of child-like faith. I sat there and watched the beaming faces of the parents who were standing near by. Their son did not come to faith by attending Sunday School for one hour a week. My bet is he received the bulk of his foundation elsewhere.

In the story of David and Goliath we read an interesting inquiry. Just prior to the fight King Saul approaches on of David's brothers and asks, "What sort of family does this young fellow come from?" (1 Samuel 17:55 TLB). Why do you think he asks that question? I have a theory.

In his book, The Most Important Place on Earth, Robert Wolgemuth says of raising godly children, "You get one shot at this homebuilding thing. Only one. And time is not on your side." The most important place on earth is a Christian home, according to Wolgemuth - and i would agree. Sadly, gone is the era of Little House on the Prairie or even Leave it to Beaver. Parents and kids just don't interact together anymore. We're too busy. Teens have minimal social skills because their friendships are largely driven by texting. Email, cell phones, and soccer have replaced family interaction.

A far cry from today's parent-child conversations about "God" is found in Deuternomy 6. "These commandment that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress then on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk on the road, when you lie down and when you get up...Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates." (v. 6-9)

There it is again.. the home. It all starts in the home. Saul asked about David's home. Personally I think we have amazing teachers in our Chidren's Ministry at church. But even the best can't effectively grow our kids' faith in the hour a week they have. The burden remains on us, as parents the remaining 6 days and 23 hours.

Many of us don't know what a Christian home looks like. I was raised in the church but i couldn't say my home was any different than the next. That is no disrespect to my mom who did her best to raise me on her own. Her childhood - at home - was worse. The chain has to be broken and it must start with us. You don't need all the answers, but simply the commitment to make a change and the humility to ask the Father for help. You can't do it without him anyway.

It's hard work guys. Nothing worth having is easy. Be intentional about every opportunity. It may only be 5 minutes at breakfast. It's a start. Don't eat in silence. Ask your kids questions. Enter their world. Eat dinner together. Talk about your day, ask them about theirs. Mention something that reminded you of God, or a situation you are needing guidance on (and that you prayed about it). Ask a child to say the dinner blessing. Spend a few minutes with them at bedtime. Find little ways to show your children that God is very real and part of your life every day. This is more difficult if you have older teens because they are now realizing they have all the answers and you are stupid - but that's another blog. The point is to just start. I want my kids to have a stronger faith than I by the time they leave the house. We only get one shot. "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6

Might As Well Win

2009-08-09T13:16:00.000-05:00

by Bob A Clifton

I accepted the job. Then I told Lance something shocking. “I think we should focus on the Tour de France,” I said. “Okay,” said Lance. “Which stages? I can win a few stages.” “No,” I said. “I want to see you on the podium. I want to win the whole thing.” Lance said nothing for a moment. Years later he would tell me, “I thought it was far-fetched, but at that point I had nothing to lose.” “Look,” I said, “If we’re going to ride the Tour, we might as well win.” Finally, Lance said, “Sure. Okay, let’s do it. Let’s win the Tour de France.”

"We Might As Well Win" by Johan Bruyneel

Anyone who knows me at all knows that July is my favorite month of the year. Starting at the top of July and ending 20 plus days later is the greatest event the world has ever known. The Tour de France! For most of us in the states, and especially Kansas, cycling is not a big sport. So, this makes me an odd duck out and few friends to talk to about this fantastic sporting spectacle. Since I was a kid I followed the great bicycle race. I remember Greg LeMond winning the Tour in the mid 90’s. Then the greatest Spanish cyclist won the event five times in a row named Miguel Indurain. Then along came Lance Armstrong which turned the world of cycling upside down. Not only would he go on to win seven tours in a row, but he would do it after defeating cancer.

Knowing that for some people Lance Armstrong has become controversial in his execution of this many wins in a row, I tell this story with caution. The point that struck me in his manager’s book is this idea of the win. Johan makes the comment at the beginning of the book that if we are going to do this we might as well win. Probably not knowing who Johan Bruyneel is; just understand he is the one of the greatest cycling managers and tacticians that has ever been a part of cycling. He has authored how teams go about finding cyclist to fill their team roster and win big races. So when Bruyneel says they might as well win, people now take note.

Do you ever think of your life this way? In a book by Andy Stanley he talks about ministry; specifically clarifying the win. If we do not clarify the win in our ministry we may not know what we are working towards. Not only we will not be sure of what we are working towards, but we have no idea to know whether or not we succeeded in what we are doing.

A new mentor relationship I have with a young man in our church has brought this idea back to the surface for me. He in an incredible witness for Jesus, and has brought some people to a relationship with Christ in the last couple months. He has an incredible ability to initiate relationships and invite people to church. For me, it has been a breath of fresh air to sit in Sunday school with him while we teach new believers what it means to be a new Christian. One of the things him and I work out before each class is to determine “what the win” would be for the day. This last week, him being new at teaching in this setting, it was to relax and be himself. He did it! He focused on that in his preparation before the class got there, spent more time just helping everyone else relax and then he was able to. I was super proud of the way he handled himself and executed his plan.

We won’t win every time, but it we still should know what we are shooting for. What plan do you need to execute? Clarify a win with your wife? What does your wife need from you right now? Clarify a win for the holidays. Coming through with gifts and ideas for our family can be a big step in building a relationship or encouraging someone.

Counting on Our Vanity and Blindness

2009-08-03T07:55:00.000-05:00

"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans." John Lennon

"The core of Satan’s plan for each of us is not found in tempting us with obvious sins like shoplifting or illicit sex. These things he uses more as maintenance strategies. His grand tactic in separating us from our heart is to sneak in as the Storyteller through our fears and the wounds we have received from life’s Arrows. He weaves a story that becomes our particular “Message of the Arrows.” Counting on our vanity and blindness, he seduces us to try to control life by living in the smaller stories we all construct to one degree or another. He accuses God to us and us to God. He accuses us through the words of parents and friends and God himself. He calls good evil and evil good and always helps us question whether God has anything good in mind in his plans for us. He steals our innocence as children and replaces it with a blind naïveté or cynicism as adults.

At the same time Satan is at work reinterpreting our own individual stories in order to make God our enemy, he is also at work dismantling the Sacred Romance—the Larger Story God is telling—so that there is nothing visible to take our breath away. He replaces the love affair with a religious system of dos and don’ts that parches our hearts and replaces our worship and communion services with entertainment. Our experience of life deteriorates from the passion of a grand love affair, in the midst of a life-and-death battle, to an endless series of chores and errands, a busyness that separates us from God, each other, and even from our own thirstiness.

Part of Satan’s grand strategy of separating us from our heart, once Jesus has drawn us to an awareness of being his sons and daughters through believing faith, is to convince us that our heart’s desires are at core illegitimate. (The Sacred Romance, 107–9)"

Repair

2009-07-26T12:25:00.000-05:00

by Bob A Clifton

Unlike any position I have been in since high school I have some older vehicles. My wife and I, in attempts to break out our Dave Ramsey skills on our budget, have taken to not having the newest toys. For this reason we have two cars with high mileage and my mower I own for my mowing business is struggling along this year. Something I have been pretty uncomfortable with in the past is maintenance. I have always taken the road that I would rather have a payment instead of a broken down car on the side of the road. This has brought many opportunities of repair. My most recent repairs included the tailgate on my truck, a couple boards that were busted on our deck, and a window in our home. Pretty cool that when I repaired these things it made me feel great. Kind of like an accomplishment if you will.

Did you know that relationships are no different? Relationships need repair. Recently a friend and myself attended a workshop that talks about attachment to children. In order to keep good attachment with children, and for any other important relationship, is to repair the relationship when it is broken. Watch this!

Whenever we experience conflict with someone we have a break in the relationship. One of the biggest predictors of marital success is how that relationship is fixed after conflict. What happens after the argument? Typically you will hear of people fighting and then they don’t talk for two or three days, and then everything seems to be fine. But it is not! It is really not fine! When there is no repair in the relationship there is a minor, and sometimes major, break in the relationship. You may not even notice for years because the incidents seem so minor. Add ten years of minor breaks up and all the sudden you have two people that aren’t as open with each other. Make that twenty years and now maybe they don’t share the same bed anymore. In thirty years, and the kids are gone, they may find out they don’t even know each other anymore. This lack of repair sets up a perfect scenario for that relationship to not exist.

This happened with my daughter last week. Dad was tired and in no place to deal with drama. Drama got up out of bed a couple times because she could not fall asleep. My daughter could see that I was frustrated with her and started apologizing for not being able to sleep. A break in the relationship occurred. Dad was upset and could not be there for her since her situation seemed silly for her age. Knowing there was a break in the relationship I called her on my way to work the next morning. I needed to repair the break that took place for us the night before. It is two easy words to say that seem to struggle coming out of our mouth. “I’m sorry.” I think when we apologize and admit fault it takes some transparency and vulnerability. It is hard to be wrong; but it is critical to fess up when we are.

Similar to repairing my home and cars, I feel a sense of accomplishment when I repair an important relationship. I love to enjoy the company of my family and friends without a rift in the relationship. I know Satan uses this all the time to set couples, families, and churches against each other. He is sly enough to not cause division after one conversation, but usually after many. He is patient and will allow us to think that the conflict is all better if it does not come up again. Know that it is there and know the bible has made it clear not to go to sleep without taking care of the conflict we have.

Any relationships in your life that need some repair? How do you need to go after that this week?

Family Vacation

2009-07-20T19:56:00.000-05:00

by Shawn Martin

Just got back from vacation today. The 'fam' and I just spent the last 5 days in Colorado!! Boy does my heart come alive there, men. It's my selfish desire that the Father will bring me there someday, permanently. As such, the last 5 days were less than 'ideal' for me. We were in Colorado, in a cabin, in the woods, secluded from much, as a FAMILY. With my camera in hand, I could spend all day, alone, snapping shots of God's beautiful creation. Telling the kids to be quiet so as not to scare away the deer, elk, squirrels, etc. It was a daily choice to will myself to enter their world and enjoy them as opposed to trying to keep them out of mine. The first night at the cabin I asked my son to say the prayer before eating, out on the deck, near sunset, next to the hot tub... oops. i got sidetracked again. But seriously, my son's prayer consisted of thanking God for giving us this awesome vacation to this awesome place, etc.

I knew this kind of vacation is right up my son's alley. He'd be right there with me out in the wilderness. The girls - that's another story. They wanted to shop. To even suggest that we actually stay AT the cabin the entire time would not have been well received. So, you compromise. We spent the days in 'town'; colorado springs, manitou springs, Royal Gorge, etc, and the evenings at the cabin. We all got something we liked. I still managed to snap about 400 pictures.

Another mindset I changed - for the first time - was the need to get to where we were going on time, or better yet, ahead of time. I'd get upset when we had to make an extra bathroom stop... AGAIN. I didn't do any of that this time and guess what? It was a much more enjoyable drive. All those years of stress and resentment cause we couldn't make a nonstop drive for four or twelve hours straight. ha!

It was good for me to lighten up this last week. I wasn't perfect by any means gentlemen. I struggled with my need to control my surroundings (ie. control my kids' behavior), but I made some great progress and reaped the benefits of it. I was able to enjoy Colorado with my family instead of just enjoying Colorado.

So for this blog I'm not offering encouragement, or insight as we typically try to do. I just wanted to share alittle about me and how i'm just like anyone else. This 'walking with God' thing doesn't make me any better off than the next guy. It's tough. It's hard. I'm still in my infancy as it relates to leaving behind the legalism and learning to love and be loved by the Father. It's worth the fight and hard work for sure. I'm in it for the long haul and I hope you are too.

Have a great week men!

I Can't Go There

2009-07-12T08:58:00.000-05:00

by Bob A Clifton

By the time you are reading this it is a month past. I have had some heavy things on my mind, so I blogged about them in advance of the date you are reading these. One of those things was a particular bible passage I ended up in for my quiet time this morning. The passage is Luke 18:34. The passage reads like this in the New Testament:

The disciples did not understand any of this. Its meaning was hidden from them, and they did not know what he was talking about.

Back up a few verses and we see the backdrop for this revelation. Jesus and the disciples are in the midst of ministry. Jesus just got through telling a rich man that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven. What appears to be a brief break in the midst of much ministry, Jesus shares a truth with only the disciples. He explains to them that we are on our way to Jerusalem and the Son of Man will be turned over, beaten, and then killed.

I really struggled with this verse this morning. When you look at parallel references to this verse, no other verse explains these truths as being “hidden” from the disciples. More or less, other scripture references say they did not understand what in the world he was talking about. Well why?

I ended up in a conversation with a friend this week that seems similar to this situation. Some things had unfolded in a close relationship of theirs. Some things were said, some gossip was spread, and now he is hearing it from a 3^rd, 4^th, and 5^th person. Not good! The way they explained it to me was “I am really angry at this person”. Problem is my friend struggles with confronting people. What I explained as standing up for a little of who they are. When I brought up the idea of saying something to the person that created the offense you could see the sirens going off in their head. No way!

Just like the disciples in Luke, my friend was not in a place to hear what God may want them to do. They prayed, but in the midst of the prayer had already formulated an action plan that would keep confrontation out of the picture. In the book I was talking about in my previous blog, it said that we spend half of our time learning how not to fear and the other half learning to unwind what we already fear. When we fear, do you really think we hear God and what he is trying to say to us?

Not that I have an answer, but it definitely made me think about what is hidden from me because I choose not to go there. Most of the commentaries on this verse say that the disciples were so focused on the God’s glory; they didn’t even see that suffering would be a part of that mix. Like I said before, I can’t speak as an expert on this, but I know some of the things that have helped pull things into the light in my past that I was trying to keep tucked away.

1. Do you have a good friend? Not just someone that listens to you, but someone that gets in your business. These friends are tough to find. I have been enjoyed this kind of relationship with a good friend of mine in Lawrence for a couple years now. Calls my life to the carpet all of the time. I thought that kind of friend would be painful, but it has turned out to be a cool drink of water in a desert like world. I have recently been enjoying that same friendship with a guy in Topeka. We get together once a week and let our kids play in the park while we dig into each other’s lives in open and transparent ways. I have enjoyed his boldness and willingness to speak truth to me in my tough places.

2. Do you read your bible? I mean do you open up scripture in anticipation of what God will want to share? Daily intake is critical in this area. To take in scripture one time a week or month will not give the Father enough room to speak in ways he may want to come after you; meaning go after your heart. If you struggle knowing where to get started, pick up a bible reading plan. They are in the front or back of most bibles. If not there check out the internet, you will find plenty.

3. Prayer. Not the prayer you can jabber while driving down the road for 10 miles not even knowing what you might have said. Prayer like asking God to open up places in your heart that you have shut him out. I like to ask God if there is anything he may wants to say this part of me.

I struggled with this verse this morning because hiding things is a coping mechanism for people that do not have anyone to trust. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, and have asked him to come into your heart then you can trust Him. He will go after things in your heart that you may not want to have anything to do with. He may reveal things that you do not want to hear. Just remember, since we have a loving Father he is not here to punish us, but to grow us up. Let him speak whatever he wants to say and then go after those parts that he brings up. Step down into the pit and face the mental lion in your life.

Hearing from God

2009-07-05T21:52:00.000-05:00

by Shawn Martin

Over the last many months i've been having a reoccuring themed dream. I won't tell you specifics here, but it's a good dream. It speaks to my heart's desire. Sometimes it's content is more vague than others but last night it was quite vivid and the 'best' one so far. I know 'what' the dream is about for the most part, but I don't know what the 'meaning' is.

So I'm on my way to church this morning. I'm praying in the car and at the end, the dream comes to mind. I'm just down the road from church and I begin to wonder if God speaks through dreams. I'm reminded of some Old Testament scriptures regarding God speaking through dreams, so I know he DID. But I ask to myself, does God STILL speak through dreams. And what I'm really fishing for is whether or not He is speaking through these dreams i'm having. So i'm indirectly asking the Father about my dream(s). He knows my heart's longing.

I get to church, sing some good worship songs, learn a new one, take communion and the Pastor steps up to begin the message. Today we start a new series that begins with Genesis 37. You know what the title of chapter 37 is.... "Joseph's Dreams". Clearly the Father is answering my question. I smile inside. I could dwel on the still 'unknown meaning' of my dream -but I simply enjoy the 'warm fuzzy' that is God showing me he hears me.

I have many stories like this and i hope you do too.

When it comes to hearing from God, we have to start with the assumption (reality) that He still speaks; in a conversational way. It is not reserved for the elite or devout; the Moses', Davids, Pauls or Jesus himself. And it's not just Old Testament stuff. In John 16:12 Jesus is telling the Disciples He has much more to say to them - more than they could then bear. He would be speaking to them through the Holy Spirit later on after he leaves them. This is just one passage - New Testament - that reveals Jesus and God the Father want to speak to us; LONG to speak to us; each and every one of us, still.

Secondly we have to believe that it is ours to hear his voice. He wants to speak to each and every one of us. John 10 speaks of the Shepherd and his sheep. He calls the sheep and they know his voice; hear his voice, and follow him. Jesus speaks to us. Not just to the Billy Grahams or other spiritual leaders.

Once you realize the first two fundamentals, what's left is to begin to tune into your heart. That's where Jesus is, right? Ephesians 3:17 - Jesus dwells in our hearts by faith. We ask him to come into our hearts when we 'accept Christ'. That's where he speaks to us. We don't audibly hear him. He is not an external voice in the room. The voice comes from inside us, within our heart.

That's the foundation to hearing from God. And unless He has something else in mind for me to talk about in two weeks, i'll continue on with what's next. 'Okay, i believe He still speaks. I believe He speaks to me. So now i've gotta tune into my heart - how do I do that?!' I hope to discuss that next time.

What’s Your Battle?

2009-06-28T15:49:00.000-05:00

Bob A Clifton

A recent book I picked up has led me to a little nugget of scripture that I think is great. In 2 Samuel 23:20 it talks of a valiant fighter from Kabzeel named Benaiah. Benaiah is displayed in the bible as having some mighty feats. One of which is just part of verse 20. The text simply says “he also went down into a pit on a snowy day and killed a lion.” Pretty simple, but let’s take a closer look.

First, what would it mean to kill a lion? We see a couple stories in the bible of a lion being killed by a lion, but this is not common activity today unless done from a distance with a gun in hand. Now I imagine perfect weather for killing lions would be 75 degrees, maybe partly cloudy so the sun does not create a glare while the lion is coming at you 35 miles per hour. Take note, Benaiah went down into a snowy pit. Snowy usually means slick. Slick, cold, and hungry lion do not sound like the challenge I am looking for these days. Benaiah was brave enough to not only kill a lion, but to step down into a slippery pit to get the job done.

Just camp out on this thought for a moment! If the lion is in a pit this means I got a pretty good shot at escaping. I will not have to kill anything to get on my way. Not that I know, but I can’t imagine lion is good food for the hungry. What a man’s man!

This led to his question he posed in the book; what kind of lion are you facing these days? Something in life you are looking at and thinking “no way”! There is no way I can take that on. I will stick to smaller battles and leave that one alone. Maybe stick to something you can do in your own strength. Could be something you have calculated and know that victory is inevitable. Possibly you are choosing many smaller battles so you stay busy and create the feeling that you are succeeding. What is your big battle right now?

A recent job transition has brought on a big battle for me. I have transitioned away from staying home with my two children to full time work. It has been over six years since I worked a full time job. My first thought was “piece of cake”. How hard can it be to go back to work, doing something that I love? Much bigger than I thought! I knew that I would miss my kids and I knew that it would have some difference in how I spent my time. I did not know that it would shake my world up to the degree it has.

A month ago I noticed that some of the things in life that I usually find enjoyable did not entertain me now. I had lost interest in reading and exercising. I was feeling checked out when I got home from work. Typically loving my time with my children had become a labor to engage them. Definitely not typical for someone that has enjoyed spending time with his kids for the last six years. I describe it as miniature depression. You can tell it is temporary, but at the same time have no clue how you got there.

I thought for a while that it will just disappear, but it wasn’t. I decided this weekend to step down into the snowy pit. I knew God had brought this into my life to raise something up and begin a healing process on it. As I invited God into this tough place I noticed him going after how I structure my time. See every other job I have had in the past has been very structured with a definite end goal to the day. My new current line of work allows more freedom. I noticed that Satan was using this freedom to fire up some guilt and shame. Frankly I just noticed! I could not see it for what it was early on.

No chicken soup story about walking out of this, but a step into the pit is what I sensed God wanting. Not that I have to win the battle today, but to step into the battle. Stepping into the battle allows God to go after something in my heart that only he can work on. I could choose a smaller battle and not allow God access to this tough place, but I saw what he wanted to go after.

So what’s the battle? Not the small battle, but the one that God will have to come through for you to win? Does he have a snowy pit that he wants you to step down into and face it. Take courage. Get some brothers around you and step into the battle.

Our Shimmering Self

2009-06-24T09:56:00.000-05:00

For what shall we do when we wake one day to find we have lost touch with our heart and with it the very refuge where God’s presence resides?

Starting very early, life has taught all of us to ignore and distrust the deepest yearnings of our heart. Life, for the most part, teaches us to suppress our longing and live only in the external world where efficiency and performance are everything. We have learned from parents and peers, at school, at work, and even from our spiritual mentors that something else is wanted from us other than our heart, which is to say, that which is most deeply us. Very seldom are we ever invited to live out of our heart. If we are wanted, we are often wanted for what we can offer functionally. If rich, we are honored for our wealth; if beautiful, for our looks; if intelligent, for our brains. So we learn to offer only those parts of us that are approved, living out a carefully crafted performance to gain acceptance from those who represent life to us. We divorce ourselves from our heart and begin to live a double life. Frederick Buechner expresses this phenomenon in his biographical work, Telling Secrets:

[Our] original shimmering self gets buried so deep we hardly live out of it at all . . . rather, we learn to live out of all the other selves which we are constantly putting on and taking off like coats and hats against the world’s weather. (John Eldredge; The Sacred Romance , 5)

Balance

2009-06-14T13:49:00.000-05:00

by Bob A Clifton

This last month my fascination in the Bible keeps coming back to my man Peter. Something about Peter and how willing he was to throw himself out there and see what comes back in return. My bible reading last week led me to another story of him in John 13. Jesus was enjoying an evening meal with his disciples. Jesus knew his time was drawing near and to better demonstrates for his disciples what it means to be a servant, he took to washing their feet. First up, Simon Peter, come on over you are the first contestant on “wash which foot?” Peter in all his intelligence asks “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” Jesus realizing this seemed confusing to him explains that you probably won’t get the significance now, but in the future you will. In an abrupt fashion Peter tells him no. A New Testament bible scholar interprets the Greek as Peter saying “no, not never”.

I picture life like a teeter totter sometimes. Early in Christian walk I craved black and white explanation of the scriptures. “What does this mean” was a question I asked often. Followed up by, what exactly am I supposed to do in this situation”? I wanted the answer to fall on one side of the teeter totter or the other. Up or down, black or white, ying or yang. At this point in Peter’s story I get the idea that he is pretty adamant that he doesn’t want his feet washed. So persistent, he told Jesus no way!

Picking the story back up, Jesus reminds Peter that if he does not wash his feet Peter will have no part with me, the “me” being Jesus. It clicks for Peter at this point. And for Peter there is no way he is going to get left out of Jesus plan. So instead of saying “OK Jesus, wash away on the feet”. No Peter goes to the other side of the teeter totter with “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well”. In other words “come on with it”.

In the process of growing in my maturity, I can see plenty of situations where I went overboard. Sometimes I struggle with my prayer life. I remember leaving a bible study that talked about the importance of daily prayer. Well at that time I had no prayer life, so surely if I go pray three times a day I can make up for never praying. I may set out to fast for a meal and decide the only way too really get through to God is fast for the whole day. I have set out to volunteer, but instead of serving within my limits I find myself visiting with people or at church 4 nights out of the week.

What does it mean to strike a balance? Shawn’s last blog does a great job in expressing the need to take care of our self. In order to take care of ourselves we will need to strike the right balance. This issue of balance has surfaced again as our church looks at the spiritual disciplines. Taking a close look at these again has caused me to examine what are priorities in life. Some of the time I found that I was wasting was being wasted to worry or unstructured time where I have nothing to do.

How do you examine your balance? One thing I like to do is look at them through the lens of five different categories; Intellectual, Physical, Spiritual, Emotional, Economical. Taking a close look at these will often reveal chinks in the armor that could be better examined to determine how to correct and find more balance. I also like to ask close friends. A good friend of mine has been pressing up against me about my schedule for the last couple weeks. Trusting that he is not there to abuse me I have submitted my schedule to the microscope to get clarity from what he is saying. He was able to bring clarity to odds and ends that I could not put my finger on. Ask your wife? What does she think about the way you use your time?

I think we can learn from Peter. As we see Peter’s ministry develop in the book of Acts we find that he understands balance more as he matures in his faith.

What’s Your Self Care Plan?

2009-06-08T00:00:00.000-05:00

by Shawn Martin

A couple nights ago I was talking with the Father about finding time for ‘rest’ each week; ‘me-time’. A time to unplug from everything that fights for my time and energy. All distractions gone; just quiet and the Father. I was hard-pressed to find any. Then just now, I picked up a copy of some powerpoint presentation I’ve had on my desk for months but haven’t read. Near the end of the copy, is a page titled, “Develop Your Own Self Care Plan”. The first two of three points were to spend plenty of quiet time alone and recharge your batteries daily.

Is this brand new information? No. I’ve heard this dozens of times over the years in the field of service I work in. But the timing of the last 48 hours is what makes this a clear prompting from the Father.

I would suspect most of you feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day. My last bi-monthly letter mentioned how summer time is busier than any other time for my family. Besides everything else, I’ve got a list of 46 projects that need to be done to our old farm house. It’s so overwhelming that I just don’t even want to start. There’s a room in my house that has been slated to be my 'study'; my 'man room', for a number of years. Finally, this February I got the green light from my wife to remodel the room (Visualize Tim the Tool Man Taylor grunting). The plan was to have it completed by mid-April. About a month ago the sheetrock was finally hung, mudded and sanded. And I even hired that out cause I just didn’t have the time to do it myself. All that’s left is painting and laying in a floor – and I’ve done nothing for a month.

Do I have a lot on my plate? – sure. Can I cut back in some places? – possibly. But the truth is that for months on end I have not focused on taking care of myself, emotionally. I sleep. I eat. I shower. But I’m not recharging my soul. I’m not making time for the things I desire, that excite my spirit. And over time that adds up to a mountain of complacency that spills over into all my relationships. I snap at my kids, I resent my wife, I go passive at work, I don’t spend time in the Word, I don’t spend time with the Father. And when that happens, the Enemy has very little trouble at taking me out in one area or another.

Walking with God is a commitment and involves time, daily. And while I’m not diminishing the importance of reading the Bible and praying with the Father, what I do believe is that if you don’t take care of yourself (emotionally and physically), you can’t take care of others. Everything else suffers. I can read my Bible daily and all those other disciplines I wrote about last time, but if I’m not making time for me in ways that rest and recharge me – then I’m offering God the very minimum of what’s left in my energy and emotion tanks. The result is unfocused time in the Word and distracted time in prayer. And the hazy fog continues to follow me as I get further disconnected from life.

What are you doing each week to make sure you can attend to yourself in quietness where there is just you and the Father? Does the thought of sitting in silence for any period of time make you squirm in your seat? As tired as I am, I could turn around and spend more borrowed energy planning some me-time activity, but for those of us who need more hours in the day, it begins, ironically, by spending some of that precious time doing nothing; being quiet. I know I have the ability to find 5-10 minutes in a day to get quiet. More would be a luxury, but any time is a start. At first you’ll find that your mind still seems to be racing with distraction – stick with it. You’re just sending your body into shock. Inactivity is foreign to it – stick with it. As you allow yourself time for rest and reflection you’ll begin to be able to offer more of yourself to the Father. As you free up more of yourself to the Father, the deeper he can work on your heart and that will transform every other area of your life.

Desire

2009-05-31T17:25:00.000-05:00

by Bob A. Clifton

In the 2006 movie “Rescue Dawn” based on a true story of Dieter Dengler, you get a glimpse of what desire can be about. Dieter was a German born citizen that in a senseless act of bad coordinates and heavy cloud cover his town in Black Forest is bombed. In the midst of this bombing one of the diver fighter pilots flew within feet of his home. In a brief exchange of glares Dieter met eye to eye with the man flying the war plane. Something about that exchange from his third floor attic bedroom convinced Dieter that he wanted to be a fighter pilot.
Dieter moved to the United States not knowing any English and had very little money. Dieter learned English and became a Navy fighter pilot. In 1965, forty minutes into Dieters first flight over Lous in Vietnam he was shot down. This is where the true story or heroism begins. Interrogated and abused as a prisoner, Dieter never lost his spirit.
The scene that impacted me the most was many days into his capture by Vietnamese military he was talking to a fellow American in the prison. Both starved because of small rations of food looked miserable, until the American asked him why he became a Navy fighter pilot. All of the sudden Dieter lights up and tells the story of the German fighter pilots flying over his home. All hunger and resentment of his capture was lost as he retold the story of his desire! His desire to become a fighter pilot led to a great heroic story that is worth the watch.
Desire led me to be a counselor. Before I was a believer I dated a young lady who had a father that worked at Menninger’s and a mother that was a Social Worker. I sat and listened to countless stories for hours of counseling. I could not explain it but I was fascinated with counseling and what it had to offer someone trapped in a place mentally they don’t want to be. Sixteen years old and struggling with maintaining the maturity of a seven year old I thought no way! Sparing you of the ups and downs, at thirty two years old I graduated with a Masters Degree as a Marriage Family Therapist and a relationship with Jesus Christ that humbles me daily. God indeed wants us to have desire.
Desire flowed through Peter’s life. I have grown to relate to and appreciate Peter. Peter had more things to say in the bible than all of the other apostles put together. Often we find Peter in these crazy predicaments. Walking on water, bad fishing, and poor swordsmanship; seem to plague Peter from reaching the authentic Christian life. Maybe not? As I journey in my faith farther what is the essence of Peter’s ministry that I appreciate is his willingness to take risk. I get the idea that risk has a lot to do with desire.
In a early book by John Eldredge called “Desire” he says “we all know the dilemma of desire, how awful it feels to open our hearts to joy, only to have grief come in. They go together. We know that. What we don’t know is what to do with it, how to live in this world with desire so deep in us.” Anyone you know that has given up on their desire because of how many things have gone wrong in their life? Maybe there family did not raise them to think of desire as a noble quality of character. Maybe they were shamed when they explained what they desired. Do we hold out on forming relationships because they might be taken from us? How about love, do we refuse love because it has only hurt to love in the past?
I heard once that the modern day American church is a great place to warehouse Christians. Keep them comfortable and keep them from dreaming and the most effective strategy to keep the gospel from entering the world has been executed. What helped Dieter be the only American prisoner to escape from the north Vietnamese prison camps was his optimism and loyalty. I think we need to consider waking that optimism of the gospel up in our fellow believers. What do your brothers and sisters in Christ desire? What makes them come alive?

It's Okay To Ask

2009-05-25T18:08:00.000-05:00

As i reflect back on the last, oh, seven year i know there have been several times when i've asked myself what's wrong with me? what is my purpose? am i really any closer to the Father? And because of my own personal nature, it's easily to quickly slump into deminishment; that i'm no better off or not a 'better' Christian. Why are there periods of time when i still struggle to cultivate that daily relationship with God?

The truth is, there is nothing wrong with that because i am asking those questions from a different stage or season in life. i AM a different man from the last time i asked. i'm not just lost in the woods, circling back to the camp site over and over. Gary Barkalow calls it spinning in circles, but in an upward spiral. i think of 'two steps forward and one step back' still keeps you moving forward. i hope that i'm making more progress than that - but you get my point. So it's alright to ask those questions again and again. it shows that you are focused on making sure you're heading in the right direction.

2 Corinthians 3:18 tells us that we are being transformed with ever increasing glory into God's likeness.

Slow and steady wins the race. we will never be complete in this life. we will never "arrive" in our current bodies. there is not going to be a time in our present lives that we'll have all the answers and all the clarity. 1 Corinthians 13:12 makes it clear that right now we see things imperfectly like looking into a poor mirror but one day we'll see things clearly. and then the most promising part of the verse, "All that i know now is partial and incomplete, but then i will know everything completely, just as God knows me know".

So it is perfectly fine to continue asking and seeking clarity from the Father. He tells us to do that in Luke 11... ask, seek, and knock, right? He wants to answer us. He wants to be found. He wants to open the door.

It's easy to get distracted when you've got the Enemy prowling around looking for any way to destroy us. It's easy to second guess our maturity progress. The Father is simply asking us to walk with Him. Stay close and He'll give you more and more clarity. Your calling and purpose with continue to fine tune. Right now i feel like i'm doing what God would have me to do. So when i ask Him what my purpose is... where am i suppose to be? That question is not coming from a lack of understanding; wandering in the dark. it's coming from a desire to fine tune the direction i'm taking; bringing into focus more of God's clarity.

Don't get taken out immediately the next time you find yourself asking, who am i? what is my place in this story? take some time to reflect on the last months or even years since you asked the last time. take those questions to the Father and let Him tell you. what you'll likely find is that you aren't circling the camp but are actually on a spiral path upward in your relationship with God. each time you ask, it is from a point of having a little more understanding and experience than you had the last time.

Boyhood Initiation

2009-05-17T20:27:00.000-05:00

by Bob A Clifton

The only thing I can tell you about initiation is fraternity life. Out of respect to the culture I will not share much about it besides what you know. What you know is that in order to be considered for this sacred brotherhood you have to go through a series of test to become a lifetime member. This was the first time in my life I ever worked hard to become a part of something bigger than myself. I memorized the founding fathers. I knew what dates were important for the history of the organization. I submitted myself to a series of, less than exciting, adventures with my pledge class all in the name of becoming a member. Part of me loved it. I loved working hard to be a part of this team of brothers.
For me childhood did not offer an initiation of sorts into manhood. I remember a couple talks my dad and I had. One of my favorites was after the break up of my sophomore girlfriend. This was the love of my life and I dedicated everything to her for three whole months. You know back then, three months seemed like a life time. Our break up came in a mysterious way. Something to the sort that she wanted to date other people over the summer to make sure that I was the one she wanted to marry. It sounded logical at the time. I also found out that her parents did not like me, which was a bigger part of the story. After revealing this to my dad he brought out the “Atta Boy Award”. This award pretty much said that you can do as many great things in life as you want to but one awe ____, and all that is erased and you are back to square one. Funny as it sounded I lived life like that for many years after.
In a recent book I finished called “The Purpose of Boys” I saw the idea of boyhood initiation. What is unique about this read was it being about the fourth book I have read in the last year talking about the idea of initiation. Recent books that have talked about this include: Raising a Modern Day Knight, Way of the Wild at Heart and Rite of Passage. Funny in America we do not have a practice of initiating boys. We are one of the only cultures in the world that does not have an initiation process for our men. So, is there anything lost in not having an initiation for boys into manhood? I believe we are missing a huge link in boys becoming men and taking responsibility for who they are and how they will engage society.
The book reflects on the story of Joseph in the bible. When can point to multiple parts of Joseph story and see how initiation was coming about as he was going through boyhood and on into manhood. Think about God opening Rachel’s womb so that she could bear Joseph. The story for a boy begins with being delighted in. One of the primary developmental processes for a boy is being enjoyed simply because he exists. Think about how the story progresses to him becoming a loved boy when his father provides a special coat for him. Joseph obviously has many more parts to his story, but think of the initiation and battles he had to fight to become the man he needed to be.
I think we have to start looking at this old tradition again as a part of our boy’s development. What exactly are boys being initiated into today. I know through reading statistics and research that your boy will learn about oral sex from a peer in his school at the age of 9 or 10. About this time he will have access to his first pornographic magazine. Probably prior to this age he will be introduced to pornographic images over the internet, usually by accident. So do you think being introduced to these things before dad has had an opportunity to provide him with truth will have an impact? Absolutely! Lucky me that my son is only five years old. I know right around the corner is going to be some tough conversations and I want to be the first to have them with him.
Quick thoughts this week include what you are thinking about how to initiate your boy and prepare him for the future. What are your plans?

Mars and Venus, not so different

2009-05-10T20:15:00.000-05:00

Today is Mother's Day. And I'm embarrassed to say, I probably failed today. I waited too long to order my wife's gift, so it hasn't yet arrived. Today, for Tracy, probably wasn't much different than any other day. She'd probably say that's okay, and she'd probably feel like she was being truthful. But I know different.

See, deep down men and women aren't so totally different. We both have core desires common to each of us. And the most basic is the need for validation. We guys have longed to know we were the beloved son and that we were (are) tough, the hero, that we have what it takes as a man. Similarly, women need to be delighted in. To be seen by their fathers as beautiful. They want to unveil their beauty. And to make the story really short, they have been wounded by their fathers in much the same way as we (men) have. They were not affirmed by, delighted in, or validated by their fathers. And from that period on was the long, sustained assault against her heart by the Enemy. Most women come to believe they no longer have a beauty to unveil. They don't believe they are worthy of being pursued. And they settle. Oh, how painful it is for me to think of how much of my wife's 'beauty' was disregarded by her father as a young girl. Continually overlooked as he gave his time and attention to her brothers; seldom if ever to her or her sister. A hard man, who I see clearly is a product of his own woundedness. When you've been in this message (Eldredge; Wild at Heart) a while, you see it so clearly in others.

But the woman; the woman... God's crowning achievement. She is the incarnation of the beauty of God. And Lucifer, once touted as beautiful and a 'model of perfection' (Ezekiel 28), fell because of that beauty and love of himself. Now Eve was the crowning jewel of creation - more than anything else in all creation, she embodies the glory of God. And Lucifer; Satan; the Enemy HATES that. She gives life through childbirth. She gives life to the world. The Enemy can't stand it! Who does the Enemy approach in the garden? Satan's first attack on the human race is upon the woman because she uniquely carries the glory of God to the world.

So, back to my original assumption... deep down I think Tracy had a desire to be special today. But the over riding feeling is that this is the way it should be - as it has been, in her eyes - she's nobody special - this is how life is for her. And men, I have to tell you, that pains me, deeply. I can't change the past. But I can certain strive to not wound her any more. I need to step up and be the one who delights in her. I should show her daily that she is special. The irony is that she is an amazing woman who clearly deserves better than me. But when her heart has been assaulted by the Enemy for years, as with most women, she has long lost sight of that.

For those of you men with spouses, or girlfriends, or hope to someday have a girlfriend or spouse, I'd recommend picking up "Captivating" by Stasi and John Eldredge. It's "Wild at Heart" for Women. It's one thing for us to have grown up with this humorous joke about 'men are from Mars, women are from Venus', or that we men are simply clueless about the mind of a woman. It would serve you well to take some time and learn what's truly going on in the heart of that woman. The wounds that she too has endured. The agreements she too has made. The dreams and desires she too has lost. Eve was the true embodiment of God's glory. She holds a special place, I believe, even above us men. Does your significant other believe that? Does she feel that from you? Don't let her know it one day a year. Find a way to show her everyday, in some way, any way, no matter how small, that she is special to you. That you see her beauty.

Wedding Bells

2009-05-04T21:37:00.000-05:00

By Bob A Clifton
Got a chance to go to a wedding this weekend. It has been a while since I had the opportunity to see a wedding. Fantastic! Everyone was beautiful and the whole thing was pulled off perfectly. The reception was well attended with, I think, six different kinds of cake. Great food, plenty of smiles, beautiful Catholic church, wonderful music, and ladies crying…
Yes, ladies crying like you wouldn’t believe. As always the groomsmen arrived up front and then one by one the bridesmaids took their place. Everyone anticipating the moment when the bride comes down the isle and then all of the sudden water! Not the sound of water in the bathroom but tears from the bridesmaid, and tears with a lady standing right next to me. Not your everyday chicken soup tears, but real tears; almost what I would consider weeping. My first thought was, “how did she do that”? One moment everyone is smiling, the next moment crying. It was perplexing to the male soul.
Not to the ladies though. For ladies this day is written on the landscape of their heart for years before a man ever considers the option. After talking to ladies that I have counseled, friends of mine, my wife etc… The wedding day is probably the most anticipated day, next to having children. They can explain what the wedding dress looks like, their soon to be husband. They know the church, the songs that will play, bridesmaids, honeymoon and everything else in between. So when the bride comes walking down that isle, they already know how she must be feeling that day.
Men, this should remind us of one fact that you do not need a degree to understand. Women are different than men. Didn’t need a degree to figure that one out huh? More than that, their hearts are precious and different than ours. Where we spend a majority of our time figuring out what the next thing to conquer is, they are wandering how the prince will come rescue them. Young girls who do not get this kind of delight from their fathers go searching for it in boys. Young boys, old boys, it doesn’t really make a difference. Written on the heart of every woman and every young daughter is “do you delight in me.” You would be amazed to find out how many girls never had that question answered. So when a boy will delight in her because she is willing to give herself up, she’ll do it. Most the time, not because she wants to, but because she wants to be delighted in so much!
Two weeks ago my daughter declared that twelve of her stuffed dogs were going to celebrate their birthday on May 2nd. Don’t ask me why and don’t ask her why, she just wanted them to have a birthday. So for the low low price of $8.00 I went out the night before and picked up balloons, napkins and a cupcake. A little silly? Possibly. Did it have a huge impact on her. You better believe it! “Dad, did you do all of this for me.”
Men, what I am banking on is that her dad has delighted in her so much over the years and pointed to her heavenly father that loves her, so she will not need to go look for that affirmation from boys. Is it a guarantee? I wish! I would buy that insurance today. I do believe that scripture makes it clear that as he pursued his bride, the church, she felt more safety and comfort.
How does your wife and daughter need delighted in today?

Christ heals through Discipleship

2009-04-27T19:32:00.000-05:00

How do we find the life Christ promises us in the scriptures? Christ was sent to heal the broken-hearted and set the captive free, right? Simple enough. So why are so many Christians still broken hearted? Still captive to (you name it)? Because we are all still wounded and in need of healing. Deep, soul restoring healing found only in the work of Christ. And He typically heals us through one of four 'streams'. The first of which is Discipleship.

I'm not talking about discipleship of accountability, tithing, fasting, scripture memorization... Is that what Jesus called the 'disciples' to? Did he call out to Peter and Andrew to lay down their fishing nets and learn how to spend more time in the church or memorizing scripture? NO! At the core of Jesus' heart - the heart of God, was to spend time with us. To have relationship with us... He wants us to walk with him. And through that daily walking with God... we become more disciplined... more holy. The goal is for sure to become holy - but not by observing the law. Discipleship through walking with God. That is the path to healing; to 'wholeness'. And that's what we all need right? Becoming WHOLE through healing the brokeness. Jesus wants us to hang out with him; walk with him and the trade off is healing, wholeness, LIFE.

That's what discipleship is men (and women).... learning to walk with God. How much time did Jesus spend teaching the disciples about the ten commandments? How much time did he spend teaching the 12 to be legalistic? What are the scriptures of the New Testament filled with? Relationship right? Spending time together. Doing life together. People weren't drawn to Jesus cause he was a great teacher of the Law (legalism) and how to obey it. Did he praise the pharisees? Did he hold them up as the standard? But is that not what the church does today? Just do this, and that. Take that class, observe this law and that one. Lead a Bible study, serve in the church more than you spend time with your family. Then you will have arrived, right? We strive for that and year after year we mope around in emptyness; brokeness. Wondering why we're not further along in our 'walk'.

Act 6:3... Jesus is telling the Twelve, choose 7 men known to be full of the spirit and wisdom. Why? Wisdom is the key; the foundation. It is especially needed early on as you are learnging to walk with God. The learned wisdom of knowing if the voice you hear in your head is God's, your's, or the enemy's. And that simply takes time, friends. That alone is a strong enough deterant for most, right? Well, I gave it a shot God. I tried a few times to pray and listen for you and it just doesn't work. It takes time. Tiger Woods didn't pick up a set of clubs at 21 and suddenly become the youngest player to ever win the Masters. Tiger has been swinging a golf club since he was 6 months old! and he practiced - probably every day. He never gave up. Golf was everything to him. He has given his life to it and he is reaping the fruit of that dedication.

That's all Jesus wants. He wants us to spend time with him. Talk with him. Listen for him. Scripture does not describe wisdom as the mastery of principles. It is described as a discerning heart. God offered to give Solomon WHATEVER he wanted. And he asked for a discerning heart. Solomon is remembered as the wisest person who lived; not the most disciplined in principles. And wisdom comes from walking with God; learning from him. And in the beginning you are going to stink at it. You are going to suck for a while even. I've only recently begun this journey of learning to walk with God and it feels like two steps forward and one back - on a good day. Yet God doesn't give up on me and now and then I hear him. Just two nights ago I was working through Eldredge's Walking With God Journal and as I was finishing up I just threw a question out there. A significant situation has seemingly disrupted life as I know it right now. It's taken many days to even get to a place of willingness to hear from God. And so I say, "Father, do I even go through with this certain pending situation?" I had already made my list of logical pros and cons. I was ready to hear a yes or no from him. But what I heard was, "Just walk with me. It'll all work out." I don't have clarity on what I wanted clarity on. I want answers and God just wants me to walk with him. That's the life he wants for us... walk with him and he'll work out the details as we trust him with them. The more time we spend with him, the more we learn to hear him. And as we learn to hear him we gain wisdom. And all long the way we are healing; restoring our heart.

To hear from God we have to believe he is still speaking; that an intimate, conversational relationship with God is the norm. It's was not just reserved for Moses, David, Paul... but all of us. Secondly, we have to assume that it is ours to hear his voice. "The sheep know my voice..." And third, to begin to tune into our heart. Christ dwells IN our hearts. We don't audibly hear his voice, it is within. You have to cultivate an awareness of tuning into your heart. Unplugging from life and getting quiet.

There is so much more to say but this is a good start. Bottom line is that God doesn't want our good deeds alone. We can never be good enough. And being good enough is simply a wounded, broken life striving for something unacheiveable. The Father simply wants our time. He wants a relationship. And relationships take time.

Simple Clarity?

2009-04-24T07:45:00.000-05:00

(The Noble Heart eLetter by Gary Barkalow)

I remember one evening watching a nature show about lions in Africa. It was one of those amazing productions where you observed a lion's life from birth through adulthood. I watched the lion as a cub rolling in the grass, wrestling with his siblings, pouncing on his father, his mother grooming him. As the cub got older, I watch him on his initial hunts with some success, but mostly failure. In the lion's later life, he found a mate and had his own cubs. His days consisted of guiltlessly resting in the shade in the heat of the day, confidently hunting for food and valiantly defending his family from predators. Something about the simple clarity of his life and the sense of "being", untouched by the nagging, shaming question of, "who am I" and "what should I be doing with my life" stirred a type of jealousy in me. It wasn't necessarily a simple life that I was wanting, but instead it was his simple clarity - he was just being what he was ...a lion. If we were created to be something, to do something, to contribute something why is it so hard then to figure out what that is?

In C.S. Lewis', The Chronicles of Narnia, we read of a great prince who had been imprisoned under an enchantment by a witch. While under her spell Prince Rilian would lose all recollection of who he was and where he came from - "while I was enchanted I could not remember my true self." And during his brief moments of clarity, being told that those moments were actually times of insanity, the prince would be voluntarily bound to a chair until he would come back into his "right mind" which he later described as a "heavy, tangled, cold, clammy web of evil magic."

This is how life feels for most of us - we are lost in a fog of confusion and dullness with brief moments of clarity and desire which seem so hard to hold on to. And when we are able to capture those moments that have a ring of authenticity about them, we quickly start to doubt their legitimacy. Could we be under some web of evil magic?

"I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the wonderful future he has promised to those he called. I want you to realize what a rich and glorious inheritance he has given to his people." Eph. 1:18 NLV

"I press on (strenuously pursue) to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." Phil. 3:12 NIV

In the pursuit with you,

Gary

Calling

2009-04-19T15:48:00.000-05:00

by Bob A. Clifton

A calling is simply God’s shaping of your burden and beckoning you to your service to him in the place and pursuit of his choosing.

Read it again! Once you finish reading it again, do it again! Why? I think this is the single greatest sentence I have seen in a while describing our calling. As you can see I am still in the same place from two weeks ago. I have been thinking more and more about this idea that we are called to do something very special, and very unique for the kingdom. Just when I think he is done dealing with me on this issue, he brings it up again. Somehow in the last couple weeks I have heard four sermons on the issue. I have ended up in multiple conversations and then the most recent book I pick up has a chapter smack dab in the middle dealing with our calling. Obviously asking God “why” at this point.

According to Ravi Zacharias in The Grand Weaver he expands on the idea of our calling. One of the things he mentions is “this is what we are seeking-a life and a calling that do not get corrupted along the journey, that cannot be defiled by earthly distractions, and that will grow dim or dull with time.” In a couple conversations this week I have friends in the faith that have not found or started to lose an idea of how they were gifted and what they do with their calling. In this chapter of The Grand Weaver, Ravi explains three ways we can keep our calling in focus.

1. A Devout Prayer Life. Great! Anytime someone mentions in a book to “just pray about it,” I immediately get frustrated. Yes I want to pray about it, but it is hard to discern what to pray about. Back up. Sometimes I begin to think we need to just focus on our relationship with God. When we are in daily conversation with him he will reveal exactly what we need to know. I have found that as I enjoy a daily relationship more often, staying plugged into his will and his calling on my life is easier. What is it like to be his son or daughter right now? Are you enjoying being his child. Start talking to him, he loves to hear from you and about you.
2. The willingness to be outshone while shining for God. In a great story shared in this book a pastor had been praying for years that a revival would take place in his church. He ends up in the hospital for an extended time. During that extended stay a young pastor came and filled the pulpit. During this young pastors stay at the church the membership blew through the roof. To the point when the pastor got out of the hospital most people at this church did not even recognize him. Instead of being jealous of the growth while he was gone, he was excited to see how his prayers had been answered. When we are living in our gift we do not care how the God gets glorified, just that he gets glorified. Are you OK with being outshone?
3. Make certain you stay close to those who walk closely with God. Who do you associate with most of the week? Do you have relationships with people that are supporting you in your calling and asking an account of what you are doing with that gift? God has created the body of Christ to be a source of light to the world and a source of light to each other. In order to stay in the battle we have got to surround ourselves with people that encourage us and provide life in a dark world. Think about who you hear from most weeks. Are they dumping life into you or taking it out? If you do not have a good balance you will burn out and lose heart for your calling.
A burden, and then beckoning you as if to lure you into this great story that you and I could not design ourselves. I love it! I have enjoyed this week being led further into the calling that God designed for me. I have got to do some adjusting to make this unfold. I feel sad about some of the things he wants me to give up, but know the delight of walking into his plan for me is the adventure that I want to be a part of. As I have enjoyed many of the things going on in my life during this season, God has opened up the door for me to have a full time job. With that full time job comes more responsibility to be there with my children when I am at home. What I mean is be present emotionally and mentally. Not having been used to 50 hours of my week gone with employment the adjustment he is calling me into is tough. I want so much to do some of the things I was doing before, but cannot afford to give up the relationships with my children and wife. Fortunately I can trust he has already provided provisions for what is to come.
God Bless and I hope this blog finds you in good spirits.

The Best Gift Ever!

2009-04-12T21:17:00.000-05:00

For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures, that he was burried, that he was raised on the third day according to the scriptures. 1 Cor. 15:3-4

Today is somewhat like Christmas in that you have to wade through all the fluff and tradition to get to the real significance of the day. In typical fashion my kids are all about what the Easter Bunny is bringing them, and when is the easter egg hunt going to be already!? And sure, we have just come from church where we're all reminded of what this particular Sunday truly signifies. But is one day a year enough?

It's not about eggs, or rabbits, or chocolate, or those nasty Peeps. But it's also not simply that Jesus rose from the dead - though that is amazing itself. No, the significance is even deeper, even more profound, because were it not for the empty tomb, our faith is meaningless. The whole foundation of our faith rests on the 'hope' of that empty tomb. That Jesus conquered the grave and therefore gave us the offer of eternal life and the truth of the Kingdom to come. Had they found a body in the tomb after three days, Jesus would have been nothing more than a good teacher at best; a liar and madman at worst.

And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you. Rom. 8:11

It's not about the eggs. And it's much more than death and resurrection itself. I mean Lazarus was raised, yet we don't worship him. While we were still sinners, the Father allowed his only son to be a sacrifice for our sins so that we could have the free gift and offering of eternal life and fullness that only Christ can offer. And they even throw in the Holy Spirit to help guide us along the way. The Spirit powerful enough to raise a man from the dead. Oh, how much he could do through the lives of the living if we'd just take hold of that truth.

We hope that you had a wonderful Easter that extended well beyond an hour at church. We hope that you enjoyed and afternoon with family, friends, and love ones. And of "first importance", a hope that you thanked the One who, though we knew him not, nor deserved his gift, died so that we could simply have the offer of the Kingdom of Heaven.

What Is Your Calling?

2009-04-07T09:13:00.000-05:00

Bob A. Clifton

One of my favorite discoveries in the faith was realizing that God created me with gifts. The idea that each person was different and had something to contribute to the world for God’s kingdom was unique to me. My understanding growing up was that I was a part of a family. Beyond that you worked and retired and died.

After my first spiritual gift inventory I was amazed. The way my spiritual gifts lined up was not how I was living my life. The more I thought about the concept, the more it made sense in regards to what I was attracted to doing. My introduction to spiritual gifts and calling was over ten years ago. Something that has been hitting me the last couple weeks is how God is maturing us and refining us to bring us into our gifts at a more specific level.

Early on it was this broad view of administration. I loved to plan events and make things happen for other people. It seemed to work well since most people dread the idea of planning something and seeing it come off. I loved being behind the spotlight and bringing people joy through my efforts without getting noticed. Since then that role has moved into working with men. I love it! I love seeing men get their hearts back and start fighting for their marriage and peers. Once again, at a broad level this has been on my mind for a couple years.

Some things to think about when looking for how God called you to make kingdom difference are:
Discern the difference between your calling, role, and assignment. Your calling is what God called you to do “big picture”. How you are using your spiritual gifts specifically for his kingdom. Our role is being a father, husband, son etc… Some people confuse their role with their calling. You are supposed to be great at all of these listed above, but God created you for a battle outside of your home also. The last is your assignment. Your assignment needs to match up with your calling. If you are called to preach the Word but work in finance, you should probably be asking God if there is any better suited place for your assignment to be.

Consider your strong desires. What kind of books do you like to look at when you go in the library? What do you seem to be drawn into when you are hanging out at home? Think this next what rises up in you throughout the week. What has historical context? Something over the years you continue to be drawn back into. What do the movies you like reveal about your desires? Don’t be afraid if you do not recognize your desires anymore. Often Satan has people so taken out they don’t know where they belong. Start the journey!

While I was at the Wild at Heart Advanced training something that lit up in me was the idea of my one on one time with guys. Once again, God bringing more specification as the maturity grows. As I thought about that it definitely has a historical context. I have been meeting one on one for years and I always love it. I am noticing recently that he is asking me to trim away things that are not as important. I think all of the things I am doing are good, but that does not make them the right thing to do. I also see the stories of desire in the movies when I think about flicks that portray people fighting for the freedom and hearts of others. Now God has even lined up my assignment at Ft. Riley military base to be doing exactly what I love in my calling.

Do you think through this very often? Do you see yourself as an intrical part of the bigger story that is unfolding here on earth?

Shoot me an email and let me know what you love about your calling.

God fathered me through Facebook

2009-03-29T21:31:00.000-05:00

Okay, so that's a stretch. How about, God gave man wisdom, who eventually created a program called Facebook where i was able to connect with a long lost, very special person from my past.? Through the wonders of technology, i connected to a man, whose father had an impact on me as an adolescent... more than 20 years ago.

I had been thinking of Stacey off and on throughout the years, always wanting to make contact with him. I wanted to thank him for spending time with me; for 'fathering me' when mine was away. Many years ago I sent him a letter to a last known address in another state - not knowing if he ever received it. Than a few months ago as I was searching people on Facebook I decided to put in his son's name - and I found him! I sent him a message, asking for his dad's email address and got it. And after about 25 years of not speaking to him... today we had lunch.

Stacey is his name and when I was somewhere around 11 he came into my life. He lived in the apartment below my mom and I. He would have been barely more than 30 himself. Not too long into our conversation today I asked him why he spent time with me. His answer was both insignificant, and very profound. He didn't think he was doing anything special. He recalls my mom may have asked him to invite me along when he went to do stuff - probably to give her a break. He thought he was just having me tag along; helping my mom out. But he was doing so much more.

He spent time with me. I would spend time with his three kids. That winter he took me with them on their family ski trip to Colorado. He took me a number of times to his family's farm in the summer. The memories just spilled over as we ate at a local restaurant. I can't sit here and rattle off life lessons Stacey taught me, or values he instilled in me. What I can tell you is that at a pivotal time in you youth, Stacey was a father figure for me.

I have been blessed to have other adult men who invested in me growing up. When i was younger I had regular visitation with my father, but it wasn't enough, and then he was stationed out of the country for a number of years and just gone. I was largely on my own to figure out how to be a boy, let alone be a man. And that has 'disaster' written on it from the start. But thank God for men like Mitch, Stacey, Jay T, and others who saw something in me...believed in me.

For those of you reading this, who share a similar story of a single parent home and the loss of an active father in your life... It is my desire that you also can reflect back to other men who spoke into your life during that crucial time of adolescence. Men who, without knowing it, filled some of that father-void your life. Take a moment and just sit in silence. Go back to those days of your youth. Ask God to reveal to you how He has fathered you as a boy. Who did he place in your life? If people come to mind, just bask in those memories. And then find them. Let them know what they meant to you. Thank them for their gift of time, validation, whatever it was for you. It took me about 25 years to find Stacey and it was all worth it.

And the next step for you, the step I've been thinking about doing since i left that restaurant today.... find a young boy to spend time with.

Enter Their World

2009-03-23T14:27:00.000-05:00

Some thing I have been reading about in the last month deals with the issue of codependency. Codependency is that inability to remain ourselves around certain people. For the life of me it doesn't make sense. I have been working through the why for the last couple months. I took this question to a coworker of mine to try to get a sense of this phenomenon. Our conversation led to a great discovery.

The common theme of these people shared one component across the board. Absent fathers! Even fathers that may have been in their kids lives, but not taken an active interest in what they like doing. I have been tooting my own horn for years because of how easy it is for me to spend time with my kids. I take them to the store, take them golfing, take them on errands. How much better can a dad get? Well to my surpise, much better than what I am providing now!

What I struggle doing with my kids is entering their world. What do you mean? I am talking about getting to know what they like and liking that also. See, I don't like playing Barbies. Let me be more clear. I hate playing Barbies! I start yawning and within about 10 minutes I have figured out why it is time for dad to get up and go take care of bigger better things.

The discovery is that if the only thing I am asking them to do is enter my world, they will not see their world as being important. Ultimately they will go looking for people they can take care of. Meaning people that need them. In order for me to show my children that I am interested in them, I have to enter their world. Become intersted in the things that interest them.

A Nice Guy

2009-03-11T23:05:00.000-05:00

(Ransomed heart Daily Reading)
And then, alas, there is the church. Christianity, as it currently exists, has done some terrible things to men. When all is said and done, I think most men in the church believe that God put them on the earth to be a good boy. The problem with men, we are told, is that they don’t know how to keep their promises, be spiritual leaders, talk to their wives, or raise their children. But, if they will try real hard they can reach the lofty summit of becoming . . . a nice guy. That’s what we hold up as models of Christian maturity: Really Nice Guys. We don’t smoke, drink, or swear; that’s what makes us men. Now let me ask my male readers: In all your boyhood dreams growing up, did you ever dream of becoming a Nice Guy? (Ladies, was the Prince of your dreams dashing . . . or merely nice?) Really now—do I overstate my case? Walk into most churches in America, have a look around, and ask yourself this question: What is a Christian man? Don’t listen to what is said, look at what you find there. There is no doubt about it. You’d have to admit a Christian man is . . . bored. At a recent church retreat I was talking with a guy in his fifties, listening really, about his own journey as a man. “I’ve pretty much tried for the last twenty years to be a good man as the church defines it.” Intrigued, I asked him to say what he thought that was. He paused for a long moment. “Dutiful,” he said. “And separated from his heart.” A perfect description, I thought. Sadly right on the mark. (Wild at Heart , 7)

What Role Are You Playing?

2009-03-05T10:10:00.000-06:00

(Ransomed Heart Daily Reading)

We come into the world with a longing to be known and a deep-seated fear that we aren’t what we should be. We are set up for a crisis of identity. And then, says Frederick Buechner, the world goes to work:

Starting with the rather too pretty young woman and the charming but rather unstable young man, who together know no more about being parents than they do the far side of the moon, the world sets in to making us what the world would like us to be, and because we have to survive after all, we try to make ourselves into something that we hope the world will like better than it apparently did the selves we originally were. That is the story of all our lives, needless to say, and in the process of living out that story, the original, shimmering self gets buried so deep that most of us hardly end up living out of it at all. Instead, we live out all the other selves which we are constantly putting on and taking off like coats and hats against the world’s weather. (Telling Secrets)

Think about the part you find yourself playing, the self you put on like a costume. Who cast you in this role? Most of us are living out a script that someone else has written for us. We’ve not been invited to live from our heart, to be who we truly are, so we put on these false selves hoping to offer something more acceptable to the world, something functional. We learn our roles starting very young and we learn them well.

(The Sacred Romance , 84–85)

A Tale Of Two Men

2009-02-18T16:10:00.000-06:00

(The Noble Heart, February 18th, 2009 eletter)

Jeff Andrechyn, a friend and former US Airways pilot sent an email to his friends sharing his heart's reaction to the CBS 60 Minute interview with Captain Chesley Sullenberger, known as "Sully". He was encouraged to submit his story to the Charlottesville, VA newspaper which he did. It appeared last Sunday and Jeff has been overwhelmed with emails and phone calls. It is a great glimpse into the glory of this man: Sully and Jeff.

Let me tell you something about Jeff's story before he gets into Sully's. Jeff was a successful 757 pilot. He loved his work: the responsibilities, the skills, the money and status. But, he developed an eye condition which forced him out. So he started to pursue his heart's desire, as best he understood it at the time, by meeting with men to help them navigate their life through this world with God. Jeff's passion and skill in "navigation" transitioned/deepened from airplanes to men. His loss became his gain. It is as Andrew Murray said,

"He brought me here. It's by His will I am in this straight place. In that fact I will rest. He will keep me here in His love and give me grace to behave as His child. Then He will make the trial a blessing, teaching me the lessons He intends for me to learn. In His good time, He will bring me out again; how and when He knows. So let me say: I am here by God's appointment, in His keeping, under His training, for His time."

Jeff has started an organization called Expeditions of the Heart (expeditionsoftheheart.org). And now, his article:

Sully's Opus

There is a wonderful movie you may have seen, Mr. Holland's Opus starring Richard Dreyfuss. Mr. Holland is a man who believes his destiny is to be a conductor who writes symphonies, but as life has it, he reluctantly takes a job as a high school music teacher at a public school. Holland then has a boy who loses his ability to hear. The boy is deaf to his father's glory. The redemption in the movie comes at the end of Mr. Holland's career when the community celebrates his life with a surprise party where his former students venerate him with stories of how he changed their lives. It's a tearful moment when Mr. Holland finds out what his real "Opus" was. It was not a sheet of paper with notes on it, rather the hearts of all his former students who went on to be leaders in their community.

I was surprised watching 60 Minutes the other night at being moved to tears with the interview of Sully, the Hudson River pilot. Pilots are the least likely people to move your heart while telling a story, but there I was, in tears. There was this transcendent moment when Sully said, "I knew that all my life's training was for this moment".

It was beautiful.

Sully had some clarity on his life. Tragedy has a way of introducing us to ourselves and our deepest desires. Sully knew, even if for just a moment, the "why" of his life. When a life comes into that much clarity and things begin to make sense, it's like a broken bone gets set in the universe and the anguish is over and you have perspective.

It's what we all long for in our lives.

When I watched Sully talk about that five minute flight, I saw a man in his glory. We all have a glory to our lives. God is the father of glory and he doesn't mind passing that on to his kids. It is often hidden in the mundane routine of life but even though it might be obscure, it is still there. This event gave Sully a role to play, and he played it well and because of it his life's passion became known.

At the end of the interview, Sully and his crew met the passengers of US Airways flight 1549. It was Sully's "Mr. Holland's Opus" moment when the people, in tears, hugged him (which is unnatural for a former military pilot to hug someone) and thanked him for saving their lives.

I can only imagine what he was hearing;

Thank you for the months of training that took you away from your family.
Thank you for bearing the heart ache of missing significant events in your kids' lives while you were away at work.
Thank you for flying after the chaos of 9/11.
Thank you for staying sober when your retirement was taken away.
Thank you for the sleepless nights in strange hotels and answering the 4 am wake up calls.
Thank you for staring down that line of thunderstorms and prevailing yet again.
Thank you for sacrificing your body to cross all those time zones while eating airport food on the run.
Thank you for keeping it all together and being there for me when I needed you the most.

We can get so beaten down with life's daily assaults that we become deaf to the symphony of people that we have loved, forgiven, affirmed, validated, taught, and included in our lives. The world around us does change when we live like that.

I want to encourage the heroes out there who are covered with the dust of the mundane and are trying to keep it together. There is a weightiness and splendor to your life that for the most part is unseen.

You have a role to play in this great symphony of life. It's an important note; play it well.

Your day is coming.

Jeff Andrechyn
Airline Pilot and president of Expeditions of the Heart.

The Noble Heart - Feb

2009-02-04T14:50:00.000-06:00

(Gary Barkalow's newsletter)

God is quite the artist and choreographer in the way He speaks to us. Since my last eLetter I read a book that caught my eye as I past my book shelf - The Barbarian Way by Erwin McManus. It's a small book with a big idea. McManus describes the true heart of the follower of Jesus and what has happened to Western Christianity.

"Christianity over the past 2000 years has moved from a tribe of renegades (barbarians) to a religion of conformists. Those who choose to follow Jesus become participants in an insurrection...to fight for the heart of humanity... Barbarians can be counted as worthless when all is safe and secure, but dangerous times suddenly make them invaluable. We live in such times. And we are not ready for the great challenges set before us. We have not been prepared to take on any great quest, to battle any great enemy, or even to pursue a great dream for which we have been born. Instead, Christianity has become our Shawshank, and our redemption will only come if we find the courage to escape the prison we have created for ourselves. Risking everything to live free is our only hope -- humanity's only hope... it is time to hear the barbarian call, to form a barbarian tribe, and to unleash the barbarian revolt."

After reading this book, God drew me to Matthew 5:13-16: "You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

It's fascinating that salt, sodium chloride, is extremely stable and cannot lose its saltiness. What causes it to "lose its saltiness" is when it's not extracted properly, it's not pure, it's mixed or contaminated. You and I are salt of the earth people. But we don't flavor or enhance anything when we are mixed - when we are a combination of who we truly are and what we believe the world want us to be.

Brent Curtis wrote, "We try to make ourselves into something that we hope the world will like better than it apparently did the selves we originally were. That is the story of all our lives, needless to say, and in the process of living out that story, the original, shimmering self gets buried so deep that most of us hardly end up living out of it at all."

We are light in the darkness. But we will not illuminate "the heart of humanity" in our hesitancy, our hiding or our withdrawal.

Jesus started this passage with "you are" and ended with "let your". You are salt and light, an enhancer and illuminator. You must let the world experience the splendor, the abundance, the weightiness of your life. You do see, you do know, you can and must offer.

McManus, "God steers us in the direction of his kingdom, his purpose, his passions. His desire is not to conform us, but to transform us. Not to make us compliant, but to make us creative. His intent is never to domesticate us, but to liberate us...God is not a sedative that keeps you calm and under control by dulling your senses. He does quite the opposite. He awakens your spirit to be truly alive."

Let us hear and return to the barbarian call...together.

Gary

Life Is A Journey, Not A Destination

2009-01-29T13:21:00.000-06:00

My ten year anniversary is coming up. A couple months ago I asked my wife what would make this a great anniversary. (Sit down for this, it is good) She said “you know trips are great but what I really want is for us to get a motorcycle”. A what!!! A motorcycle!!! Holy wow! Now from what I have experienced it is usually not the wife that suggests the husband go out and find something he can ride on with no seat belt and little to protect him from losing his head on the pavement. So as every good husband does, I jumped on it! But what’s between driving a motorcycle and now? A lot. See, I have never owned or drove a motorcycle. This means way before the destination of ownership, I have a journey of learning. What I think is, it would be great to wake up and see it in the parking lot with a big sticker that says “RIDE ME BOB”.

Definition of:

Journey: Travel from one place to another; trip.

Destination: The place to which someone is going or directed.

It seems like most of our lives are focused on “what’s next”. When are you guys going to get married? When do you plan on having children? Do you think you will buy a house soon? It gets to the point where the majority of our thought process becomes about what will happen tomorrow.

I like gadgets! I could spend a couple weeks looking over what is going on with the newest cell phones. Do price checks and read reviews on what people like and don’t like about them. The problem that I run into is by the time I finally go out a purchase the biggest bad new cell phone they are launching the new line of better cell phones. Something to keep in mind is as we plan for tomorrow we cannot forget today.

One way to enjoy the journey is to focus on today! What is going on in the lives of your family, friends, and work place that needs your focus today? A suggestion would be to pick the top three priorities of the day and make sure they get done first. Often we stretch ourselves so thin that we get nothing done. “Devoting a little of yourself to everything means committing a great deal of yourself to nothing” quotes John C. Maxwell in his book “Today Matters”. If you are like me you set out to get some things done at the beginning of the day and by the end a lot gets done, but nothing that is top 3 priorities.

A second way to enjoy the journey is to think selflessly. You could slam that lunch down at the office in order to use the time to finish a project or you could surprise your kid at school by showing up and eating lunch with them. Think of one person per week that could use some help with a project or needs some words of encouragement. A small note in the mail or a five minute phone call to someone is super easy and could mean the world to them. Ask your spouse how much they are enjoying the marriage they have to you right now. This could spark some real opportunity to help you think less about yourself, but more about the people around you.

Take notice! Of what? Take notice of what is going on around you. A great way to enjoy the journey is to take notice of what is going on in your normal day. What do you smell or what is happening with the change of seasons? Who do you notice? Are their relationships at work that mean a lot to you or do you have friends or family that need repair? By taking notice of our day we can slow things down and enjoy a lot of what too many people miss.

You may not be such a predicament as I am, HEE HEE HEE, but what journey is God trying to get your attention to be a part of right now? What are you trying to rush?

Don't Miss Her Heart

2009-01-27T10:52:00.000-06:00

Shoulders sunk, sulking face, and heavy feet my daughter looked like she just got dealt the worst blow of her life. My six year old daughter came home from church this week with 1st grade drama. No farther than the church door she started unloading a story that was death for her. Absolute devastation. Supposedly her best friend that she spends every waking minute with at school and at church spent time with another girl. My daughter was lost and had no clue why her friend would want to be with anyone else besides her. Story after story. But have no fear; super fix everything dad is here! I was brilliant, pulling out all of the great Masters level education knowledge to solve this petty issue. I should probably take some of my daughters allowance it was so good. But it wasn’t working? How could this be, I am super therapist Bob that she so happens to have as a father.

No problem, I woke up the next day and started attacking the problem again. Once again it wasn’t working; my own stories growing up as a child and having similar issues didn’t make a bit of difference. Sitting in the bank parking lot perplexed as to why nothing is working it dawned on me. Not like a gentle feather, but like a concrete block pounding me on the side of the head. She needed to be heard, not talked to!

Husband, dad, son; spend too much time talking and you will miss a woman’s heart a million times over and over again. In chapter 8 of John and Stasi Eldredge’s book Captivating it talks about offering a man’s strength to our wives. I also imagine we have an opportunity to speak to our daughters in the same way. Check this out, it says “to experience the strength of a man is to have him speak on our behalf. For when men abuse with words, we are pierced”. My opinion is there is many ways to abuse with words.

One of those ways is to tear our wife and daughters down with our critical comments. Every critical comment that you make about their weight, how they dress, what they are acting like is like driving a dagger into their soul. I believe our critical comments have the ability to kill way before our wives experience a physical death. Why do I notice this? This is a tough one for a lot of men. The critical comments are as much about control as they are about noticing something.
Another way we can damage a woman with our words is to be a “fix it”. I love to fix it! If there is a spiritual gift of fixetness I have it. You know what though. I started taking tally of all of the great advice I offer my wife compared to the amount of times she acts on it, and it is not looking to good for me. I would say to every 1000 nuggets of wisdom she acts on 1. Wow! What I do notice is when I listen to her actively, meaning engaging her as she talks, she appears and seems more peaceful.

You guys any good at listening? How long can you hang in there before you start to shut down? In Proverbs 14:23 it says “in all toil there is profit, but mere talk lends to only poverty.” Sometimes our silence can mean as much as our words. When the cement block hit my head I realized that my daughter was hurt. I simply said to her “I bet this really hurt you having your best friend spend time with someone else.” Open up the flood gates dad, she burst with tears immediately! In all of my words and knowledge I completely missed her heart. She was hurt, wounded and scared. She wanted so much to be heard and listened to and I was all about the fixing. Well a couple minutes later the sobbing stopped and she simply said “thanks for helping”. She wanted her dad to pursue her heart, not with words but simply understanding.

4 Killers of Marriage

2009-01-21T10:16:00.000-06:00

Only four? What Dr. John Gottman refers to as the “Four Horseman of the Apolcalypse”, can predict the fate of marriages, based on marital conversation. Criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling are four different negative ways we communicate with our spouse or significant other in relationships. You can see all four of surface in friendship, extended family relationships, marriage, and sometimes business relationships. So do all four of these negative talk experiences hold the same value and potency in the relationship?

In order for us to get a better understanding of their potential destructiveness lets get a working definition of each.

1. 1. Criticism

a. A statement that implies there is something wrong with our partner

b. Sometimes a direct statement towards their character

c. These statements start with “you always” and “you never”

d. You can count on these statements causing the other person to become defensive

e. Complaint and criticism are different

f. Research indicates women are more likely to use criticism than men

2. 2. Defensiveness

a. Attempt to defend self from a perceived attack

b. Takes form of innocent bystander with potential whining

c. “Why are you picking on me”

d. Includes denying responsibility for the problem

e. Defect, divert, attack, defend

3. 3. Contempt

a. Verbal or nonverbal statement that puts person on higher plane than the partner

b. Husband may imitate his wife in a mocking tone of voice, responding to her complaint

c. Universal facial expression of contempt, the dimpler muscle pulls the lip corners to the side and creates a dimple in the cheek, but the dimple is not cute. (The Marriage Clinic, 1999)

d. Lonely husbands who marry contempt wives get sick more often

4. 4. Stonewalling

a. When listener withdraws from interaction

b. Often one spouse leaves for a period of time

c. Dance of non verbal behavior between speaker and listener

d. Look away and down, have stiff neck, don’t vocalize much

e. 85% of stonewallers were men

f. If a woman is stonewalling it is a huge predictor of divorce

g. Men stonewall when they have been physiologically over stimulated

In order to get rid of these four deadly strangers we have to repair our relationships and marriages. What do I mean by repair? When you ask someone if they are still mad and they refer to it happening so long ago they forgot, that would be a bad repair. Time does not repair in broken relationships, it only adds to the fire. Repair means specifically coming to each other and calling out what was happening, owning our mistakes, and seeking forgiveness and restitution where needed. Which one of these four horseman do you experience or you have seen play out in other peoples relationships.

I don’t know about you guys but for me all four of these come to play in my home occasionally. Could this be one of our battles we have to fight? Absolutely! Giving Satan a foothold in our marriage is one of his biggest attacks taking out as many people in the church as it is in the secular world. At times the beauty can be more perplexing than a 1000 piece jig saw puzzle of a solid color. Take notice men, do any of these ideas rear their ugly head in your home? Repent, ask forgiveness, stand in prayer! Do whatever you must to get these guys back out of your home. Don’t remain silent. As these build strength in your home they will be hard to get rid of. It will be for the good of your marriage, your wife, and your children.

Gottman, Dr. John. The Marriage Clinic. New York: W.M. Norton and Company, 1999.

We reap what we sow

2009-01-16T11:56:00.000-06:00

I've just started reading a book, No Man Left Behind. It's about building a thriving men's ministry in the church. I am only three chapters into it so far. I read a statement that struck a chord with me, "Your system is perfectly designed to reproduce the results you are getting." It's apparently a business term that is equally applicable to ministry in that you can only produce the kind of men you already have sitting in the pews. And maybe it was just expressed in a fresh way because the idea isn't new. If we are effectively discipling men, that is going to produce an effective men's' ministry of discipled men, actively growing in their faith.

Actually my purpose is to take that statement and apply to us in general. Our personal system (apart from living freely from the Spirit and God's leading) is perfectly designed to produce the horrendous results we are reaping every day. A life that is consumed with self preservation, self protection, fighting to maintain control of our own lives - as if we have a better plan than the Father... well, there's no need to explain any further, right? We are all guilty.

Another quote comes to mind from David Jeremiah that goes something like, "We have as much God as we want." For me that's a painfully accurate statement. There are areas in my life that I want to change; that I have cried out to the Father about. Things that still go on year after year. So I have to pause and ask myself... do I REALLY want to change that behavior? Do I REALLY want to give God the control? If so, why do I still struggle with these issues? I struggle with legalism, a critical spirit, and emotionally wounding my children with my words. Why would someone WANT to keep doing those things? I don't do what I should and do what what I don't want to... sound familiar? Paul struggled with it too.

I have to wonder if, in truth, I am still running the same 'system' and expecting a different result. That I'm not truly surrendering my life to Christ. I'm still in the driver's seat. I think, if the APOSTLE Paul struggles like that, how much worse off am I? Of course, that's the Enemy talking. He whispers so convincingly...'Why bother? You're going to fail. Just give up. You're not good enough." Thankfully I'm far enough along in my journey to recognize (most the time anyway) the voice of the deceiver. And that's all he is.... a liar. He'll do whatever it takes to keep us from taking hold of the glory and strength we ALREADY posses within us.

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be strong. 1 Cor. 16:13
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power... 2 Timothy 1:7

It's right there within us men. When we accepted Christ, the Holy Spirit entered us with all the strength and courage we will need. Most of us just have a hard time believing it. I'll keep fighting for my heart, and I encourage you to as well. Band together and press on valiant warrior.

Remain In Me

2009-01-14T19:11:00.000-06:00

(blog from John Eldredge)

In just a few days our team is heading out to Australia for a Wild at Heart Boot Camp. Last year was a phenomenal event, with tremendous breathrough for men. We felt God leading us to come back for another go. It is the launching of a movement. This year we know we are on the enemy’s radar. The last four nights have been rough, broken sleep, nightmares, having to pray for long periods of time.

One of the things God is teaching me through these front-line missions advancing the Kingdom is how to stay in Christ. “Remain in me,” Jesus says in John 15, the implication being we can not remain in him; we wander off. If God has to implore us to stay in him, then he knows it is quite possible not to. How do we wander off? I think one chief means is speculation.

We let our thoughts run out ahead of us. “What’s this going to be like? How tough will the battle be? How am I going to handle the 14 hour flight?” Stuff like that. Some of it might just be eager anticipation; some of it is apprehension. But whatever the form, speculation is not a good thing. It moves me out of Christ in this very moment. He is not leading my speculations. I am. Or my fear is.

I forget the source of the quote, but I read long ago that a coward faces his battles twice – once in his apprehensions and fears as he anticipates them, the other when he must face the battle itself. It is a very draining thing spiritually. And so I am learning to face my battles once. I’m not going to think about the 14 hour flight, the 6 hour time change, the jet lag, the battles. I am going to stay with God today, and what today is about.

Don’t Bull Doze Through Boyhood

2008-11-01T20:40:00.000-05:00

In true boy fashion my four year old son waited anxiously for his sister to leave the living room to begin the punishing. As soon as she was no where to found or heard, Luke started looking for opportunity to destroy. Now in the world of six year old and four year old toys are home swims with two different sets. One of those sets includes Barbie’s, stuff animals, and Pretty Pony’s. The other set is made up of 4 wheel trucks, heavy construction machinery, and Diego.
Unfortunately today a poor brown and white colt found itself left behind to be the sacrifice for the new remote control bull dozer. Now we are not just talking any bull dozer, we are talking about a bull dozer with a big scoop shovel on the front and a power jack hammer on the back. Almost like he has seen this take place before, Luke lined up the fallen down pony and backed up the bull dozer. Soon as they were lined up he pulverized the pony with the power jack hammer.

As I was watching this take place I asked myself the question, “who did he learn this from?” How did my son know that of all things that could be demolished by a jack hammer a horse would probably go the fastest? Within seconds I remembered a small passage in a book by John Eldredge. Elderdge writes “a boy wants to be powerful. That’s what’s behind the superhero thing. To be powerful, and dangerous, a force to be reckoned with-that is the heart of the warrior emerging.” He didn’t need to learn this from anyone! This is hard wired into the genes of every little boy that is given an environment to foster his skills in becoming “a force to be reckoned with.” He didn’t learn it from me, but it would not take a rocket scientist to take it away from him. One area of our family’s life that I have recently learned can take that away from him is this idea of being in a hurry.

What does it take to NOT rush through boyhood? I begin to think it is a more difficult task than we imagined. Not rushing through boyhood takes persistence and an ability to turn away from what the world says you should become. What the world says a boy should become is overly involved. Does anyone besides me have a new part time job going through paper work that comes home with your children from school trying to decide what you will and will not involve your children in? I said to my wife the other day that it is harder to keep your kids from having a busy schedule than it would be too get involved too much. In one of Eldredge’s CD’s he made mention of the fact that they only allow one child per sport season to participate. This means in the fall one boy will do a sport and then in spring one of the other boys could do a sport. Before you and your family are inundated with possibilities, I would challenge you to ask yourself what you are trying to accomplish with your kid. What do you want them to look like and be by the time they are 5 years old, 10 years old, 20 years old. Having them rush around too many nights a week will take the influence away from you and give it to someone else that might not have the same investment.

Another opportunity to slow life down is to give your time to your son. Do you think my son gets a kick out of my efforts at work? Does he care about how are 401K is doing through the chaos of the financial crisis? NO!!! Use the ottoman to set up a jumping ramp for the four wheelers, now he cares. Luke loves for me to engage him. I mean really engage! He loves to put a puzzle together with me, and read with me, and wrestle with me. Sit down; get invested in the creativity your son or daughter is coming up with. It does not count to have your to-do list on one side of you while you hold a hot wheel with the other hand. Full engagement takes effort and it takes your mental energy moving toward your children.

“I just don’t have the time Bob.” Really! Well my argument is you can’t afford to miss the time. You want a sure fire way of creating another “Cats in the Cradle” song, leave your kids to play by themselves and never have a dad that gets in there with them. It is the American tragedy that is plaguing society. A fatherless son is a ticking time bomb. Dad, you were created for such a time as this. You were made for this son, for this daughter. Don’t let the enemy keep you distracted from participating in your child’s life. You are the perfect match and are fully equipped, through relationship in God, to be a life changing dad in the life of your kids. Hold back the time and keep fighting to protect the time children so that you are the primary influence.